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I'm in a distance relationship with a guy who only saw me…

I'm in a long...

I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy who only saw me during the weekdays and would stop texting me, down to like 3 texts the entire weekend. So after 6 months, of flying to california from DC, I asked him when could I spend a weekend with him? Not just a Wednesday night where he leaves my hotel room at midnight. He texted me today that he lives with a lady that he dated 10 years ago, and she has 2 kids from another guy, that he helps her with on the weekends. He told me that he does not date her, and they don't have a sexual relationship for over 5 years. But for some reason, he disappears on the weekends to do stuff "for the kids" but not necessarily for her. He told me he didn't tell me before because he wasn't sure where our relationship was heading... after 6 months, and we've been having sex for 3 months now. He says he's told the ex she has to move out, but her one son is mentally challenged, so she can't afford to move out and get him proper care. So that why she's there. My issue is that if he truly isn't in any relationship with her, then why can't he get away at least one weekend, why does he disappear on the weekends, and why does he only see me during working hours when he can say he's at work. I think I'm the "other woman" even though he says they don't have a relationship going on. Maybe they don't have a physical relationship, but mentally she has him tied up!

Doctor's Assistant: Is this your first time reaching out for information about this? In general, how would you describe your overall health?

Yes good

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the Psychologist should know?

No healthy

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Answered in 1 hour by:
10/16/2017
Dr Karen Chambre
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 225
Experience: Psychotherapist at Karen Chambre, LCSW
Verified

Hello My Karen Chambre, I have been a psychotherapist for over thirty years. I tried to tell people to their guts. You may have mixed feelings but mostly the way you have written about this you sound like you are angry at the situation. Also you might want to ask yourself what kind of a relationship you would like. This guy is unavailable for a couple relationship no matter what his relationship is with the other woman. The best way through this is to ask yourself questions about what you are really getting out of this and if this is what you want. Sometimes we have mixed feelings about a situation. Sometimes even if logically we know we should get out of something emotionally we are not ready. We don't make a decision until we do. No matter who you ask you will do what feels right to you even if many think its not great for you. We all do. It has to come to you if this is alright for your life. You may also have to process your feelings. Let me know if you have any questions Karen

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you! I’m much calmer today. We have a new relationship, I have 2 kids and divorced so I come with baggage too��. We talked and agreed that the end goal is to be together and we both weren’t looking for a relationship when we met. So now a lot has to get lined up to clear the way for us to be a couple. He’s willing to put in the work to do that, so I am going to give this time and patience and then like you said, my emotions will know what to do. I feel he was caught off guard by feelings for me and now things have to change to move forward . Thank you for the grounded calm response. It was exactly what I needed��

I am glad that was helpful. Sounds like you handled it well. Karen

Dr Karen Chambre
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 225
Experience: Psychotherapist at Karen Chambre, LCSW
Verified
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Dr Karen Chambre
Dr Karen Chambre
Dr Karen Chambre
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 225
225 Satisfied Customers
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