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Maryann,we spoke about repressed memories in our last

Hi Maryann,we spoke about repressed...
Hi Maryann,we spoke about repressed memories in our last conversation,That I fully understood. These real memories I have are they getting distorted by the ocd?Real memories Dec 3lst 2007 I remember selecting some new shoes in a shoe shop I remember looking down at the floor deep in thought,I can't remember what I was thinking about?? So I get a thought/impression that I was thinking about the murderous event in my head at the time!Another real memory had a few friends round,we was in my room I remember as I was sitting down on the floor I remember having a intrusive image in my head,but I can't remember what that image was I was thinking about,so I get a thought/idea that the image at the time was that of a murder!! I have many many of these types of memories.marryann is it just thoughts to what I was thinking? Just to keep the antixty and fear going?? Is it false memories the part where visualise myself thinking about what I done,and reality I was thinking about something else? Or distorting what was really on my mind into someone more sister?
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10/15/2017
TherapistMaryAnn
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Hello,

The memory you have about being in a shoe shop and the one about being with friends are very real memories. And you can definitely call them memories because you can give details and a frame of reference (time, details around you, etc). However, when you cannot remember what you were thinking in those times and you fill in "memories" about murder, those are not real memories. Those thoughts that you have now are really the OCD filling in thoughts that create anxiety and not true memories. Because if they were true memories, you would have details and you could remember the original incident, which would be the murder itself. But lacking these details and any evidence of a true murder says this is about OCD, as does the anxiety and fear that continues for you with these thoughts. People who truly have murdered someone don't have anxiety over past gaps in memory nor do they experience the symptoms you are having now, such as worry over what might have been and lack of details or true memory of a murder (or any other incident like that). None of what you feel is a possible memory is a true memory. It is only fear that a memory is there. Your OCD is basically placing thoughts into those gaps and telling you that it is a memory, when in fact it is only a fear over a thought. There is simply no evidence that it is more than OCD, especially given the anxiety and worry you are experiencing over your thoughts.

Mary Ann

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Hi marryann I hope you don't mind me requesting you again,Just I had a few questions for you and didn't want to do them all at once!!
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Sometimes when other memories pop up,I remember I was thinking about a event/image but it's seriously vauge is this just the same?

It's fine to continue here as long as it is related to your original question. No problem.

Yes, if the memory is vague and it's about something you cannot be sure of and it creates anxiety and worry, it is most likely an OCD symptom. That is the key. If you feel anxiety associated with a current thought and that thought is that there is something in your past you don't remember and therefore you did something wrong, that is an OCD symptom.

Mary Ann

Just to let you know, I need to step out for a bit. If you respond, I will answer as soon as I get back. Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience. I typically reserve Sunday for family events so I have some activities going on, but I want to be sure you can get what you need today. So don't worry about posting again. I just didn't want you to wonder why I was not responding quickly.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Bless you,oh course marryann take your time no worries!! So in a way even though I no for 100 per cent I was worried over a particular something throughout 2003/2007 it ended up becoming an obsession,because it was some time ago the details of what I was thinking about throughout those years,ocd has took advantage of these memories by distorting them into something that the ocd seems fit? Gives it's version shall I say

Exactly. OCD symptoms include thoughts that are anxiety producing, which is why it is considered an anxiety disorder. Your mind will find the most distressing thoughts possible. In your case, it is filling in the gaps of what you were thinking about years ago with distressing "memories" that you hurt someone. Many people with OCD have exactly the same types of thoughts- that they hurt someone but cannot remember doing it. OCD creates that loop in your mind using the logic that you will not be able to remember enough about that time to dismiss the thought outright. So you end up with anxiety over a "lost memory" of something you never did. The loop creates such anxiety that it is hard to get relief on your own, so reassurance helps, but only temporarily. Eventually, working through the steps we talked about during the last few questions will help you feel less anxious when the OCD thoughts occur as will medication.

Mary Ann

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you so much marryann..good way of looking at this 'it's just thoughts to what I was thinking about! Not memories

You're welcome! That is a great way to think of it. Write that down and keep repeating it. It will help.

Take care,

Mary Ann

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you again marryann have a lovely evening take care
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Marryann sorry I forgot to add is this the same concept 'False memory OCD is an OCD theme where the sufferer gets an intrusive thought that they've done something in the past and the sufferer cannot differentiate whether the thought is a memory or an intrusive thought. But instead of this part 'intrusive thought that they've done something in the past' in my case 'intrusive thought I thought something in the past.

Well, it can be both. You have an intrusive thought that you have a memory that you did something bad, if that makes sense. You say that you continue to have thoughts about a memory that you committed murder. So that is a thought about a memory (that creates anxiety) and you have anxiety that the memory is true.

Hope that helps!

Mary Ann

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you again for your responses,sometimes when I look back for this example I remember in July 2005 I was cleaning my shower and I remember stopping and mentally going over a image scenario scene I'm not sure it's to vauge to ever really no, in my head!! Again is this the ocd making me believe I was in fact going over the scene of a murder in my head but in reality I was thinking about something else?

You're welcome! Yes that is the OCD. Same situation as we talked about.

This thread is getting long so we can either continue with the Premium Service or start a new one. It's completely up to you how you want to approach it. I will send a Premium Service offer in case you want to stay on this thread.

Mary Ann

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