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My 13 year old daughter is an excellent student, dancer,

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My 13 year old...

My 13 year old daughter is an excellent student, dancer, just started vocal lessons and has a part in a nutcracker performance in November...she adore Broadway and aspires to someday act in a play...recently she tried out for Concert Choir at school and did not make it but all her friends did so she is very bummed...she has some anxiety issues but with the help of her psychologist has developed some coping mechanisms to help with that...her dad and I divorced 4 years ago and he has never treated her nicely since the breakup and we r in the process of going to court so she can live with me as that is her wish...my question is that she continues to put herself out there and seems to be disappointed time after time...tried out for the school play last year and only got stage crew...my heart breaks for this awesome sweet girl. How can I help?

Doctor's Assistant: How long have you been dealing with this? Is there anything in particular that seems to make the symptoms better or worse?

She just found out tonight that she did not make concert choir

Submitted: 9 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 9 hours by:
9/17/2017
Mental Health Professional: Therapist Leslie, Mental Health Professional replied 9 months ago
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 443
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhh dear, I can absolutely understand how your heart breaks for her each time she is rejected. I imagine the pain she has felt from her Dad's behavior is very similar and sadly being rejected from concert choir triggers this same emotion.

My recommendation would be to work closely with her therapist ensuring she can learn to separate these two types of rejection.

In terms of what you can do I highly recommend you provide realistic feedback in regard to her auditions and performances such as, "Wow, you really nailed that piece tonight--especially the chorus where I know you were initially struggling." Or, "I understand why you are upset about your audition. I realize it wasn't your strongest performance." By telling her every performance is perfect and flawless, you don't provide the feedback she will hear throughout her musical career. It's a fine balance between encouraging strength and feeding an ego.

If your daughter does decide to pursue musical theater or dancing, she will unfortunately be faced with a significant amount of rejection as it's the nature of the business. More often than not, the rejection will have nothing to do with her personally and she has to learn to develop a hardened shell around the audition process.

I too, pursued a music degree and traveled this same path so please know this comes from professional experience as well as my psychological background

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Category: Mental Health
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