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My husband has been using sites like and craigslist casual…

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My husband has been...

My husband has been using sites like backdoor and craigslist casual encounters for a year. He keeps records of phone numbers and ads, etc. I have EXPRESSED my heartbreak and anger to him 100 times and threatened to leave with our 7 year old but he either tells me this is fantasy, ignores my reaction or refuses to discuss the issues. I do not know what to do anymore. Our sex life is fantastic so?

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Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 18 minutes by:
9/15/2017
Mental Health Professional: Juliet Cooper, Doctor replied 8 months ago
Juliet Cooper
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 51
Experience: Psychologist in private practice
Verified
Hi there, I am Dr. Juliet, a licensed Psychologist. I can certainly understand your anger and frustration. It is not clear to me whether he is having physical encounters with people on these sites? What does he mean by this is fantasy? I will wait for your response to understand the situation better. In the meantime, it sounds like you are feeling helpless and therefore you threaten to leave him with your 7 year old . The problem is that when these threats are continually made and there is no consequence he does not take you seriously . I would recommend that you stop threatening because unless you plan to follow through, it is not a helpful way to communicate how upset you are with his behavior. Have you tried having a heartfelt conversation to share with him how painful this is for you. Talking about feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, etc is more effective than expressing constant anger ( although your anger is understandable).Hi there, I am Dr. Juliet, a licensed Psychologist. I can certainly understand your anger and frustration. It is not clear to me whether he is having physical encounters with people on these sites? What does he mean by this is fantasy? I will wait for your response to understand the situation better. In the meantime, it sounds like you are feeling helpless and therefore you threaten to leave him with your 7 year old . The problem is that when these threats are continually made and there is no consequence he does not take you seriously . I would recommend that you stop threatening because unless you plan to follow through, it is not a helpful way to communicate how upset you are with his behavior. Have you tried having a heartfelt conversation to share with him how painful this is for you. Talking about feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, etc is more effective than expressing constant anger ( although your anger is understandable).
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
By his fantasy is what he tells me this is (no physical). I have most certainly explained how insecure and hurtful it makes me feel. The threat to leave came last after many tears.
Mental Health Professional: Juliet Cooper, Doctor replied 8 months ago
With social media and websites supporting porn and people connecting there are new questions that arise as to what is cheating, when do you step over the line if you have not had physical contact etc. It can be confusing and overwhelming with rationalization that end up hurting couples. What I understand for you is that it is feels like a serious betrayal that leaves you feeling distanced from your husband. It sounds like you have communicated this to him and he is not willing to stop engaging in this behavior. I have several recommendations....would your husband be willing to go to a counselor so you can discuss this issues in terms of how it is hurting your marriage.. this is a very important consequence of his behavior and ia professional can help you both with this. Is there any aspect of what he is doing that you can tolerate, but puts some limits on. For example many adults watch porn on line , is watching porn in which there is no interaction with another woman more acceptable to you? If so this is where you could draw the line. If it is not, then you need to make it clear that if he continues there will be some consequence. The consequence is something that has to be something you can actually follow through on. I can't know if ending your marriage is too big a consequence right now. Perhaps is you know on A particular day that he has been engaging in the online behavior, you could tell him it is too painful for you to be intimate with him. Again, a consequence is a personal decision for you and based on what you can tolerate. I would recommend starting with the suggestion of counseling. See where that goes.
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Mental Health Professional: Juliet Cooper, Doctor replied 8 months ago
If you are satisfied with my response I would appreciate you rating me
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Mental Health Professional: Juliet Cooper, Doctor replied 8 months ago
If you have no further comments , please accept me answer and feel free to reach out to me in the future
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