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Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the…

Hi Leah,I had a question...
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol
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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Hi Leah,the part where I visualise what could of been on my mind I have pretty much got under control in the sense of 'Lucy it's just thoughts to what I was thinking about I think the second part I'm finding hard to elimate is 'how I felt' i really don't think ocd can make you believe how you felt regarding the past!! I'm recalling it very memory like
Answered in 58 minutes by:
9/12/2017
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,116
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
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Hi, OCD can absolutely blur your memory of how you felt. In fact, one of the problems with anxiety is that it completely affects the way you think AND the way you feel. So when anxious/worried/obsessing, the thoughts focus on what is bothersome. But thoughts are only thoughts in themselves. It is the way we react to these thoughts, both through feelings but also through behaviors, that is where we get into trouble.

Example... Thought - "I forgot my son's lunch and sent him to school without one. i am such a failure." Emotion - sadness, shame, guilt. Behavior - Eat a tub of ice cream Reality - forgetting the lunch was a mistake. Mistakes happen. Not only am I not a failure, there was not good reason to allow myself to be so emotional over this instance or resort to poor behaviors like binging. It can be very hard to not be emotional over thoughts and also hard not to respond in action. So trying to separate thoughts from emotions (in present or in memory) is hard.

Now, I am not quite sure that the above actually applied to what you are saying... In rereading it, i think you are simply underestimating the amount that the OCD is warping the memory of the event and assigning things. Most memories we have compile facts and also emotions in order to form a proper story. Think about other memories you have -I am sure they have emotional content about how you felt too. So absolutely, memories are not only possibly inaccurate from the fact-side but they are also fundamentally off based on the emotional angle too.

Example - My family and I went camping two summers ago. it was tough because my kids were too little and were very. very needy. During the trip,. we weren't having quite the wonderful time we envisioned because it was a lot of work. Fast forward to our return - the memory has now shifted to being a great trip. The details about the stress, the long walk to the bathroom, the cold night in the rain, the kids being restless, etc. - those all fade into the background so the emotional understanding of the trip suddenly becomes different. Now the trip is remembered as a "great time" and I am certain when I see the pictures 20 years from now, i'll just talk about how fun it was. This also shows that with time, emotional understanding of things continues to change.

Thoughts?

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Hi Leah no no that was very interesting to read,I think I was more on the lines of thisWhen I had hit and run ocd throughout the 4 months of having this theme it was coming up to Christmas time,so throughout these months I felt guilty didn't deserve a to receive pressies!! When i went through cheating ocd I couldn't even look at my boyfriend's dad,because he really looked up to me and I use to think I cheated on your son these are all experiences even tho they wasn't real I didn't hit over anyone or cheat....fast forward as you no I feel like a killer,I can visualise feeling this in the past

That make sense to me. Remember, your brain starts to quickly blur the lines of reality and unreality when it comes to OCD so of course, there are emotions attached to whatever you are worried about. The fact that you couldn't look your boyd\firend's dad in the eye says that too - you felt tremendous guilt. But the guilt was a product of the OCD. Just like feeling worried is a product of the OCD even if it is just a notion of a historical feeling.

The feelings were very real - they just weren't based on something that actually happened. This is a lot how anxiety works.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Thank you Leah,when around family etc I can visualise feeling I suppose what a murderer would feel like!! I read a book it was people accounts where they talk about how they felt after killing someone there description felt the same as I experienced in the past

Yesm, because your brain actually was convinced you did murder someone so it makes sense you had the negative feelings associated with the event. Don't underestimate that OCD, Lucy. It is a huge ball of complex thoughts. Remember, thoughts and feelings are very entangled even if the thoughts are inaccurate. So you thoughts about the murder would absolutely have led to feelings about the fictitious event.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I understand Leah,so really ocd is creating these feelings that I recognise as true feelings of the past but really it's just a making the fear seem more like reality!!
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
really if I'm doubting this,that's when i should be put down to ocd,any thoughts/feelings I think I had is ocd

Yes. This is definitely all OCD. You know OCD is skimming your past for examples that may support its case so there is it also seeking to use emotional memories as an example, too.

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If OCD tricked you into believing you may have kissed your friend's boyfriend, then you really would have felt bad about it. the emotion was a direct cause of the OCD which happened to be a lie, but your brain really thought you did something bad so emotions that followed were appropriate for the situation, even if the situation was only "imaginary".

Example - A patient i spoke to recently lost his wife during surgery. he is grieving and feels guilty that he brought her to the hospital fir surgery. he thinks that if he had never come to the hospital, she wouldn't have died. He feels guilty and sad. But, it isn't a fact she wouldn't have died if he hadn't brought her to the hospital. She was sick. She may have died at home. Still, the guilt he feels over his thoughts is very, very real...

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Its like I can see my self fretting over what I done,see myself when around people thinking 'you have no idea what I done' I suppose it dosent help knowing I was fretting over something,I just have to trust the unclear moments where I no I was fretting over something, was actually of something else not that of a mental event
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Mental event meaning murder

Yes. Trust that this was not because of a murder because that never happened. Also trust that the things you recall may not have been as you think. Maybe you were having bad gas or PMSing, lol. Maybe you were just in a slump in general and felt off. or maybe, your recall of feeling so down and distracted is more a figment of OCDs imagination and either didn't happen or was far less severe and persistent then you recall. I think it is important to remember all you have learned about memory not being accurate on top of the fact that OCD likes to play tricks with thoughts and feelings...

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
That's it Leah I also there are things I no I have done,ocd related thoughts I no I had etc so what ever the worry was has to be down to something I no I experienced

Not sure about that last statement Lucy. but I may hav misunderstood. You could have had genuine worries about something that didn't actually happen. This is what your OCD is all about.

LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,116
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I'm not sure either lol..i ment there are real things I have thought and done!! The notion of worry I had during that time frame had to be due to something I no I experienced and not something I think it may of been aka murder
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
The worry was probably due about the kissing my friends boyfriend!! Now ocd thinks the worry was due to thinking it was due to murder,just got to put it down to ocd giving me a false misleading account during that time period!! It's aware I was obsessing and worrying about something,because that time period is murky ocd has given it's version

YES. OCD is the source of all of this. Thank you for the rating :)

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
No problem Leah take care

Thanks, ***** ***** too!

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