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I'm currently suffering from depression and anxiety and

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childhood memories. I need help...
I'm currently suffering from depression and anxiety and childhood memories. I need help
Submitted: 9 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 8 minutes by:
9/11/2017
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,057
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
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Hi, thank you for writing. My name is***** am sorry you are struggling. Is there something specific you want to know about this? I am happy just to chat if that would help as well. If so, tell me more...

-Leah

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I was molested at a young age, I had sex with my brothet at age 6, I witness rape w times, I've lived in homeless shelters, poor, eating behind roaches, rats, in bathrooms, beaten to damn near death, neglected... Latet molested by 3 cousins. I'm a mess
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
Ok so I'm 18... I get married at 19, leaving my past behind trying to be a wife, mother...
I struggles with my marriage, cheated on my husband. Had another baby...
I'm 28 now, I lost my job, car, and I'm kimda homeless...
I failed as a mother and a provider. I'm stressing out, panicking as if I'm a little kid. I never had so much pain and I feel stuck. Ive been out of work for 2 months
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

You are not a mess. You have had very bad things happen to you and have been victimized over and over. I am so so sorry to hear all this happened to you. For anyone, it would be extremely hard to live a "simple" life with all of these scars from the past. Did something trigger you recently? what happened to get you to the point of losing your job? Where are you living?

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I don't know whwre to start. My brain is on overload, I can't think but sleep and eat. I use to be smart.... I can figure out simple things anymore. Going to work seems like building a rocket ship ( short of speak )
I went to the hospital, they transferred me to a behavioral mental place. I didn't say I wanted to hurt myself so they didn't take me seriously. I'm taking barr 323 pills and it helps but I need some thing internal
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I'm talking through my great now so sorry for the typos but I can't think I can't process I don't want to go to work I don't want to do anything but just eat and sleep and take care of my son I don't feel like I can get up and go I feel like I have this pressure on my mind and my heart that I haven't felt in so long and I'm going back like 15 years of my life of pain that's resurfacing to now
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I feel like I'm 11 years old the following Apple scared and don't know my next move I don't know that's like the best way I can describe it but I just feel like my brain has shut down and I isolated myself not because I want to it's just because I've been through so much and I tried to bury it by working and being a good civilian and working 9 to 5 and I never been in trouble never been arrested never done any hardcore drugs
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I was working at Taco Bell as a manager in training for 6 weeks and before that I had 13 1/2 years of food I was working either as a manager shift leader manager-in-training or something and management of food
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I was living on my own for the past couple years after going through let her roommates through the past couple years as well so I've been on my own pay my bills working like I said being a a good civilian working nine-to-five paying my bills every month pay my taxes like anybody else
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I'm trying to shake this feeling of panic and anxiety and depression all in one does not even including the miscarriages I went through my separation of my husband and moving around bouncing around trying to work two jobs trying to work and make ends meet trying to keep my nose clean as far as you know doing anything stupid so they me in jail
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

You are being overcome with anxiety and it is leading to panic and depression. Naturally, things can fall out of line when you get distressed - you have had a lot occur and it can be overwhelming to keep picking yourself up again and also overwhelming to focus on general life stuff. Despite all these hard time,s you did find a way to get on track but it proved hard to maintain. first and foremost, cut yourself a break. You may be derailed but you aren't overturned. You can get back on track - you do just need to take a step back and figure out where to begin again. You have done it before and can do it again...

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

Honestly, you really have done well considering. Have you ever been in therapy?

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I don't know how to get out of this funk that I'm in because I've been like this for 2 months. I feel scared
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

I understand.i think the best thing you can do to pull out of this is to take a step forward. What do you think is your number one priority right now i terms of making positive change? Besides taking care of your son, is there something you think would help you turn a corner so you can start to feel hopeful? A job application? a call to your past manager? A visit to t\your local community agency that helps with employment? A call to the housing people in your community?

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I had to quit my job because my car broke down and I took my last check and I bought another vehicle and that's how I got the eviction notice. As far as me putting out the patient's that's not the issue the issue is me wanting to go to work just even thinking about clocking and I feel like I can't get back to my old self. I can't find my groove how are used to function properly
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
Excuse me how I use.to function properly
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
Between the eviction and losing my place losing my car having to move back to my mom's house it's been very rough I'm separated from my oldest son because you went through a separation and he lives Three Counties away from me so he's like an hour and 30 minutes away. I just feel scared about doing things a lot of things if it's not in my comfort zone I feel like my anxiety levels or high. I feel like if I was thrown back into what I was doing before I would probably look stupid or seem like I've never done this before
Customer reply replied 9 months ago
Sorry for the typos I'm talking through in life as far as me clocking into work it seems like I would have difficult time doing certain things as a matter of fact two weeks before I had to quit people who live in at me kind of funny because I wasn't as fast I wasn't at articulate I was making wrong decisions and they noticed that and I kept trying to hide but you being a manager I had a point the fingers and two people what to do and how to do and I just kind of forgot
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

Please don't worry about typos. i am reading through your replies...

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

Do you take any medications for depression? it sounds like some your issues with working slowly, having trouble on the job with focus, problems with decisions, etc could be directly correlated to depression as those are symptoms....more...

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I'm only taking anxiety pills to calm me down but they kind of relax me too much and I can't really take those while I'm working I will have to take those while I'm at home but as soon as the exoti pills get out of my system it's just like I'm in a whole new world and I have to think. I'm just so stressed out and as far as how that I get here why did I get here why couldn't I done this weapon it done that I'm the only person to blame for everything that's going on in my life. I'm telling myself I should said something years ago I should have changed up this you know I should have went to school when I wanted to be a lawyer and I should have made better educational decision so I wouldn't be suffering and making the stupid paycheck a week you know I'm just I just feel like a failure I know I'm living and it should be very appreciative but I just feel like I wasted almost 3 years of my life and I'm back at my mom's house I have rules now I'm not used to having rules you know I can't come home too late I can't have nobody over you know I have to walk with clothes on I don't walk around naked but I like to have all maybe like a t-shirt on with my panties or bra whatever but. I can't do this I can't do that because I'm not in my own space and that just topped everything off I just feel like crying I've cried so many times already I cry for no reason I'm just wake up and cry or I go back to sleep I lost like 20 pounds in the past 2 to 3 months I'm just really stressed out and everybody is counting on me to get back to Tiffany how are used to be and it just feel like I have to climb up this long ladder
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

When it comes down to anxiety, anxiety is a hard thing because it can so easily affect your behavior. By this, i mean that anxiety starts to warn you about your ability - it starts to make you doubtful, self-conscious, nervous, scared... When you listen to these things and start to believe them, the anxiety gets fed and comes on stronger and stronger. It is when you stop listening to the anxiety and start to push through that you realize that you can handle things. That you can get back to the job. that you have skills and purpose and capabilities. That you have lived through so much already and you still have something to give. Anxiety is warm and cozy when you give it a chance - pick your battle and fight it proving to your anxiety that the things it chatters aren't true and aren't worth holding you back from getting back on track.

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

I strongly suggest you consider talking to your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist about getting started on an antidepressant like Zoloft, lexapro, or Celexa. (those are just some examples). these medications also treat anxiety and can take the edge of in gentler ways. they work to prevent anxiety unlike reactive pills like Xanax or Ativan.the anxiety pills can also have more physical side effects and while they work to calm, fast, they can be addictive and sedating. An SSRI can have some side effects too but is safer in the long run and more appropriate for ongoing anxiety.

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

You are right, living at your Mom's house isn't ideal but it isn't catastrophic either. As far as your future - you are young!!! You have promise and can still accomplish things that you want to do. you just have to figure out what that really is. If you have goals, there is no time like the present to start to commit to them. you can have a career and success - I promise you, it is not too late. You just have to believe and not let your past heartbreak get in your way.

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

Depression and anxiety hold people back and make them believe only negative things. Depression and hopelessness are best friends. Perhaps the best first step to you is to get your depression managed. that will allow you to breath again and once you are thinking more clearly without doom and gloom always on your mind, then you can garner up the strength to take forward steps in your job/career so your future seems positive again.

Don't let anybody tell you this is easy. Depression is life-sucking!! But you can fight depression by continuing to push. You still; have so much to offer, it is just under a cloud right now and that cloud needs some help lifting...

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Customer reply replied 9 months ago
I will try, God only knows
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

I promise, lows like this do eventually get easier. Just when it seems like things are at their worst, things lift and brighten. Keep faith, keep trying. Small goals and small victories one day at a time will fuel your comeback.

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 9 months ago

Hi, just checking back with you today. How is it going?

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