Is this helpful ? Not really but at least you didn't try to tell me what I already know by heart. I have been searching emotionally and mentally for that key to why I am not able to get this , to do it, but so far it has remained hidden from me. Physiologically I understand that I am pre-programed this way - fat, My mom and aunts and family female members are also fat, and my daughter and grand daughters. While my youngest adopted son is 6' 1'' and 34 pounds underweight , as are all of his birth family, the same, I recognize that we are not all made up the same way. i.e….. my spouse is always hot, body heat, almost never cold, no covers at night while I a wrapped up in a quilt. Yes, many ,many blood tests, all say 'normal' but there is nothing normal about my condition. Compulsive eating is not the disorder I am cursed with, its how my body functions and stores and uses the intake of foods. I know that , long time now but have not found a remedy. I was prescribed Metformin to see if that would help. It did not. I was on Armour also Synthroid for years - taking those I could stay thin/ normal if I also dieted carefully. Without this medication and without starving ( 600 calories a day is starving ) I gain the pounds. Now its worse because I can't exercise much, can't walk far , don't have a pool and am sick to vomit of trying to deal with this. I did see a psychiatrist at my company for years, very helpful and very successful , I lost over 100 pounds during that time and conquered my fear of flying, also divorced a dreaded husband - The psychiatrist did prescribe some medication, but mostly it was therapy. I never knew back in those primitive days just what my SAD
diet was doing to me or that my body was functioning the way it does. We were really ignorant back then of so much. I have not considered ''seeing '' anybody - the thought of some kid just beginning with no realistic idea of the torment that real life is to some one like me, well, I could not keep a straight face and it would of course be futile anyway. Most therapists are not as educated nor experienced nor even intelligent as I am - the psychiatrist at my company was of course also a medical doctor. fyi Its not difficult for me to try to reach out for help as you say, except that I find it a challenge to find anybody who has the ability and experience to even begin to perhaps help me find what the trigger is that keeps me from being unable to again be successful with this huge issue. I can't thing that any food is more important to me than ending the physical discomfort of being fat like this and the risk of not being able to walk if it continues. What is making it more important to me than this ? I struggle daily to try to identify what is going on with me. I know better, but seem unable to be able to do better. Also in my experiences I have run into many very inexperienced and opinionated with the paper work to be called therapists who were really horrible. Worse than worse. We were a shelter home for children for some years and I know what a game of Russian Roulette that therapy is. That does not put confidence in my heart . I read the books, over and over, promise myself each day that I am trying anew to succeed, but no - I fail. I can not drag myself out of this emotional pit that I am in. Of course there are many things that I hate about my life - there always is if we are honest to ourselves - but that never stopped me before to take control of my weight when I needed to. The problem is me not what's going on in life around me. If my own psychiatrist were still practicing, yes, I would go to see him. The thought of someone else, new, too young to know better, - no no no no. I also began a question like this a few times on Just Answer then deleted it, feeling that it is just another exercise in futility. The doctor I see with the Medicare and cheapy HMO is just a p.a. and I have already taught him a few things. He is a kid, a nice and smart kid, but just starting out. He has made a few mistakes so far , but he's learning as he goes. In another 30 years he should be a terrific p.a. maybe even a m.d. if he goes back to school and studies hard. I know that I need to figure out what is preventing me from doing what I so desperately want to do - lose weight. I looked for groups I might join but there really are none that I could fine here in Miami, most are into the God stuff and I am absolutely not. I can't take that ''Higher power'' crap either. I know I am my own higher power that isn't working right now anymore. Yeah, I am angry about this situation. My doctor is just a kid who can read tests , write prescriptions, knows nothing about struggles like mine. The years of wise council with my company psychiatrist were helpful. I could go back for a refresher course if I got too much off track and it always worked . He was never condescending nor under estimate my intelligence.