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llw26, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 208
Experience:  LCPC-2015. Clinical Forensic Psychology
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I am staying with my mother and I'm about to be 33 years

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I am staying with my mother and I'm about to be 33 years old. I come to the absolute conclusion that my sister has a personality disorder. I have just recently been able to put all the pieces together and it goes back to my birth. Its a troubling thing for me to have these memories of events and traumas that I thought were just happenstance, or me being a loser of some kind by nature. She is spiraling out of control and her lies aren't even rational. Making up massive scandals and God knows what all. She is a dentist. She is also dating a childhood friend of mine whom I distanced myself from because he was torturing animals and recently told me he abused a cat with a sex toy for hours as an adult. How does one begin to process and deal with such a situation? Thanks
JA: Is this your first time reaching out for information about this? In general, how would you describe your overall health?
Customer: Physically good health. Mentally I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years off and on. As well as past addiction
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: I don't think so
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I have specific examples of massive lies and disregard for anyone or anything else. She shows no remorse, no empathy, no maternal instinct, she's a covert drug addict, she truly seems to enjoy torturing people by triangulating with other people and by the time its all said and done everyone has gone separate ways. She completely destroyed our family. It's only now that me, my mom, my dad and step dad are starting to realize how we've been compartmentalizing and experiencing cognitive dissonance.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
As we speak I have to periodically remind myself to connect the dots because I will start to rationalize and feel anxious.

Hi my name is ***** ***** I hope I can help. First, I am so sorry to hear you're going through this - it sounds like it would be mentally draining and upsetting. The best thing for you to do is to distance yourself from your sister - set boundaries with her - if she starts to lie, stop her and tell her you don't want to talk any longer. If you want you can point out it's a lie (with whatever facts you have), but you don't have to. The biggest thing is separating yourself from her. How does your mom respond to her?

Further, and I don't know if you're comfortable with this, but you can report her to the state board of dentistry for practicing while using substances. The state board will look further into it. Another option would be to call the state boards and speak with their HR representative and discuss your concerns with your sister. They may be able to help her and you - whether it's directing you to treatment options for your sister or community based providers for addiction.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Thank you for the response. My mom and dad are finally at the point where they are catching on. My brother is kind of "minding his own business". I always sensed her cruelty and went through periods of not speaking with her. I used to put her in her place more. It's hard to accept that someone is that cold and calculated. Here is the worst part right now. She is in a divorce and has accused my brother in law and his father of multiple molestations. Cps and the police did their investigations and she has lied and terrorized so much in that town that they told her if she calls again she will be charged. Her ex husband has wanted to be done for a while now because he caught on. She is in a rage and seems to be losing control. My fear is that when I look back on so many pets that were poisoned as kids and she was behind the smear campaign of the neighbor lady. She used drugs and drank all through her pregnancy and tortures that child emotionally. She has to know if she goes to court she will be outed for sure. How likely would it be that she would hurt my nephew just because she is going to "lose", so to speak?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Also, I have thought about calling the police and telling them she drives around with a cup of vodka everywhere she goes. She is so slick about the drugs. Her boss is sort of like her. She is like her mentor. She took the keys to the safe from her because she was taking meds. My sister paid someone to go get the safe rekeyed.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
She only takes things she can explain other than marijuana. She has amphetamines but i suspect she buys meth and she has benzos and figures ways around the opiates. I suspect she hurts herself and sleeps with doctors.

You're very welcome. Wow, I am so sorry to hear this - it sounds very upsetting. If you believe your nephew is in danger, it is imperative that you get him in a safe place. What I mean by this is contacting Child Protective Services or informing your brother-in-law of your concerns. I cannot say she's going to harm him or not, as I haven't met her or evaluated her; yet, your concern, concerns me. Hence, why I've suggested you speak with someone in your area about your concerns. If you have any evidence (text messages, written letters, facebook posts, etc.) that can help back up your claims that would be helpful for them as well. Is your sister and BIL doing a custody evaluation? If not, I would suggest this to your BIL, as they'll both get forensic psychological evaluations to determine parental fitness. This can help with your nephew going to his father vs. mother. Again, document EVERYTHING - this can be helpful in court.

I would call them, let them know her car/make/model/license plate - the next time she drives around with alcohol. This will help in the court proceedings because she is endangering a child, and safety of others - this will also help with evidence (police report) to support her being an unfit mother.

That's definitely possible, again, you want facts - so if you're ever in her home or your BIL is - get evidence to support your claims. You can also call the police to do a welfare check and say you believe she is using - they will go and assess the situation.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I talked to my BIL but they are in another state. He is fully aware of the severity. She has discarded the idea of getting full custody and he says she has been focusing on the money from the house. She won't settle for 60/40 in her favor. She is determined to go to court in June. She has used me to gather intel on him for a while by convincing me there was molestation. I was always careful what I told her, as my brother in law has always been very loyal. Now that he trusts me he has told me everything and it's twisted. My stomach sank and I almost had a panic attack, as it became crystal clear. The good news is the things she doesn't know are going to hang her in court! The police, CPS, teachers, neighbors, and friends of theirs have all signed statements. I was naive about the extent she was willing to go to. I witnessed a lot as I was there for a month in january. She doesn't hide much from me. She brags a lot, directly and indirectly. I have started to document everything and I will try to devise a plan that is solid. I have to say that my anxiety really flares up when I think of what all she might have orchestrated in my life with girls and friends. I wondered why they all just stopped being very open. I just found out that she told a girl i dated in high school that I had a sex tape of her and was going to expose her because she's friends with my BIL. Its going to take some counseling or something to deal with this. I have issues I need to work through. I am possibly bipolar maybe just beaten down.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I have to say that I sometimes am a little paranoid with my imagination but with the coldness of her during her pregnancy and his infancy, she has lost this battle kind of and "the biggest fight of her life" in her words. I fear she might fake an accident just to hurt my BIL. She absolutely doesn't have empathy. Very nasty when you see behind the mask. Makes me kind of believe in demons in some form.

I keep saying wow, but seriously... it sounds like she is very convincing in her statements - which is scary. However, I'm glad to hear there's a whole team of support for your BIL and nephew. Now you need this support - I would strongly recommend getting your own therapist to discuss this situation one-on-one and process your life - as it sounds like this has been on-going for some time. I'm not sure I'd say bipolar until you've started processing your life experiences - sometimes it may feel like we have a severe mental health aliment and it's really just the amount of stress we're under that's creating the thoughts, feelings, behavior.

Like I said before, I would strongly recommend contacting the police with many of your fears - as your concerns are valid for your nephew. How often is she in contact with him?

llw26 and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
She has him every other week. She has him right now until sunday. Do you think I can call and just be anonymous and tell them I am concerned because of the instability and lies? My family has kind of discouraged "getting involved" but I think with the severity still a little outside of their perception, that is fear based. I know because I feel terrified thinking of doing it, even if she doesn't find out. Would they ever have a reason to figure out where the call came from and let it out? I would then really become a target. Plus, she will blame my BIL for sure. I guess I'm displaying the level of control she has over everyone.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Just imagining it terrifies me right now. I am discovering how deep her claws are. It's somewhat of a relief to own it but I'm very uncomfortable.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
My main fear is coming from the fact that she hires private eyes and is uncanny about hacking peoples phones and account records. It's astonishing the lengths she'll go to. If they check on her she better be caught or it's just a nightmare.

Yes, you can call anonymously - they'll likely ask for your contact information, I would just let them know you're not comfortable providing that information. You can also request any information they obtain about you or the call be sealed - outside of the concern. I would also let them know of your fears related to how she may retaliate. When people are in a place of fear, they generally want to ignore the problem and "not get involved," so it makes sense as to why you're having these feelings and why your family made these statements; however, given the severity of the situation, I would strongly recommend making contact with law enforcement. Again, I would provide them with all the information you've provided here. You've said there's enough people and information for the court hearing in June - so I would contact the same police department, as they're familiar with the case. You could also get an order of protection from a judge against your sister - so she wouldn't be able to make contact with you or be around and if she were, she would be jailed for failing to follow a court order.