I would like to describe some things about my issues and see…

Hi, I would like to describe some things about my issues and see if you can offer help and advice.First if I describe something about my situation and secondly if I describe to complete the conflicting views about how to deal with them.My partner suffers from complex PTSD and one of the symptoms is OCD behaviours. After a breakdown about eight years ago the symptoms suddenly materialised. I was very scared and anxious my partner seemed very mentally unstable. In addition we had a very codependent relationship. As a result I ended up doing everything that she asked me and that included performing OCd rituals such as lots of washing my hands. I have continued to do this since then. It affects me at home constantly and sometimes she even asks me to do things when I am out on a certain way.I find her an impossible person to say no to. She can become hysterical, angry , upset , needy, blaming and making threats. She seems like she becomes unstable (and I don't feel confident she will remain sane if I push it too much although I'm not sure this is founded) if she cannot get what she wants. I find her demanding and controlling.She has explained to me that she needs to feel safe and secure. If I do what she asks then she is able to feel safe and experience some trust. This helps her to lead a more functional life and to feel much calmer. She is able to get on with things, her compulsive thoughts diminish, she is able to earn a good income from home now and move in the direction of healing. She has explained that anything which triggers her fears is unhelpful and it should be avoided. This is also backed by experts who say that people with complex PTSD should be as far as possible be helped to feel safe and not triggered.What happens is that many many things trigger her and when she is able to do OCD type things and get me to do then she does not feel as triggered.On the other hand there is a completely conflicting view. It is one that my therapist explains to me. Is the view that I tend to agree with although I find his approach a bit harsh I do agree with all the basics things that he says and it's also what I feel in my gut. However I do not have complete confidence in it because I am not that confident in myself and have a lot of tendencies to be childlike. This is the view that it is codependent and enabling somebody tofor example washing hands because of fear of irrational contamination. It is rather like the other person has an addiction that involves using another person and I am the Co addict.We have constant power struggles and disagreements and get upset. We are aware of all of the issues from our childhoods which which affects us now. We are both unhappy. Even though we do feel like soulmates and can put differences aside sometimes to feel very good together.I would like some advice on what to do about this dilemma where I have two conflicting points of view which seem to have no middle ground at all. I feel trapped frightened and insecure. I am not really moving forward anywhere because of these opposing things going on. My partner feels very unsafe because of it. We do not have much luck When talking about the things I've written out.In addition we had a particularly upsetting incident today when my partner was triggered and we were out at her sisters house. Someone she felt had a contaminated hand touched me and it was a big trigger for her and she asked me to throw away the jacket I was wearing because she felt it was contaminated and associated with a bad trigger. I said no although I offered to leave it behind and not to put in a car. This was no good for her she became hysterical. When she had calmed down she was very angry with me for not helping her to feel safe and she squarely blames me for causing her this grief . I don't know how to go forward with this. It's scary!Thank you. I look forward to receiving your answer.