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llw26, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 208
Experience:  LCPC-2015. Clinical Forensic Psychology
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I am recovering from a narcissistic relationship so seeking

Customer Question

I am recovering from a narcissistic relationship so seeking information
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: No and I do not take medications
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: No
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Hello! My name is ***** ***** I hope I can help. What information are you seeking?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I am trying to get over the pain of the abuse and set up boundaries to not allow him back in. He always comes back. My question is what is wrong with me that I keep falling for it?
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Wow, that would be tough for anyone. What boundaries have you set-up with him? Are there any that work? I do not think there is anything wrong with you - individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are very charming and at one point (and maybe part of you still does) loved this individual. Maybe there's a part of you that believes he will change, as he's likely promised this.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I do still love him even though he treated me so horribly. I am trying the no contact route in hopes I can forget but I feel obsessed by wanting to talk so it's so challenging. I can't understand why I'm so attached to a monster.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

I am sorry to hear you're going through this, it sounds like it is very difficult. There is no one way to "get over" someone. I think no contact is an excellent idea and a challenging one. Have you set-up fun things to do for yourself so you're out of the house and not obsessing over him?

Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Also, have you heard of the cycle of abuse (it does not just have to be physical abuse, it can be mental/emotional abuse as well)?

Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

My apologies, my first text doesn't appear to have gone through. What I had said what that this must be very challenging for you and I am sorry to hear you're going through this. Have you tried getting out of the house and doing things (or setting up things to do with friends or family... or even on your own)? This may help to get your mind off of him. I do think that while it is challenging to go "cold turkey" it is likely your best option. Also, no one just "gets over" someone they loved, this will take time.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
trying to stay very busy. There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse as well as manipulation and control. I felt I was going crazy and blamed for everything wrong always. It's all so painful.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Excellent, I am glad to hear you're keeping yourself busy. Yes, that is also not uncommon - unfortunately. I would think you're harboring a lot of guilt/shame surrounding the relationship, along with sadness and maybe some anger at yourself regarding your love for him. While this is challenging, you must remember that this is not your fault... this is his MO. Have you thought about going into 1:1 counseling with a local provider?

Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Hello - I wanted to check in on what we talked about yesterday. How are you doing today?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I am okay. 1 minute at a time. I have not looked into a local provider. It is hard to find someone who specializes in this type of relationship. I do feel very guilty and ashamed for loving a man who is so awful. Its hard to wrap my brain around everything that has happened.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Glad to hear you're doing okay. Yes, 1 minute at a time. Ah, okay. There are clinics that specialize in domestic violence relationships - sounds like there might not be any near you? It will take time for those feelings to decrease. However, it is with hope that they will. Have you tried writing down everything that happened so it's out of your head and on paper?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I have and it makes it worse.....I start ruminating and obsessing over everything and wondering why I put up with it all. I will be happy when it all just goes away and it isn't ever in my thoughts or existence.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Okay. So, unfortunately life events that have occurred do not go away - even if we wish them away or try to use substance to make them go away. These are evens that have happened... what I usually tell my clients is that I work with them to work through what they experienced and they move forward in life - this can take a long time. So, my question is - how do you work to move forward from this?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Im not sure. Im lost
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

And that's okay. How long ago did the break-up occur? You may feel lost for some time. I think at this point in time you're living life at basic functioning (e.g., wake-up, shower, eat, work, sleep, etc.) - and that's okay. This will take time to heal. Your core being has been hurt, it takes time to heal those wounds.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
My core spirit has been damaged. I hope it doesn't take too long.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.
Have you thought about what's going right, right now for you? And great things about you? I think it's important to increase your sense of empowerment.
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

Was there anything else I can help you with? If not, please provide a rating below based on the services provided. Thank you and best of luck!