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Ask Dr Ted Manos Your Own Question
Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 687
Experience:  Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
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What is it that afflicts so many humans that they leave

Customer Question

What is it that afflicts so many humans that they leave doors ajar, kitchen cabinets also, fridge doors, even ? I host travelers from around the world and this seems to be a universal bad habit of so many, even most of them. I am interested and curious. We have locked garden gates for a reason - 8 little dogs who live there during the day and who run out if the gate is left open. Still even with this knowledge, the gate was left open, left unlocked , so many times that I had to take the keys back and I also got a bicycle lock with a padlock to put around the gate. Its very frustrating to me even more so because this afflicts both genders from all countries we have hosted do far. Wondering how to bring more attention to this issue . Words fall on deaf ears . We even put large, huge signs up KEEP THIS DOOR CLOSED , and the like. This has caused some abrasive situations also and I am always angry it seems.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 8 months ago.
Hello, I'm Dr Manos, M.D. I hear your frustration and it is certainly easy enough for your guests to correct this but it sounds like it is a universal habit. Getting upset with this only makes it worse for you. If you host for a fee or daily rate then discount some small amount if you can monitor the activity, especially the fridge. Maybe a smaller sign for at least the fridge to "please close the door if you open it". I hope this answers your question but as a physician I can consider a virus subtly affecting people but that's a stretch. My wife has this tendency but I don't so it doesn't appear contagious. Humans can learn from the cat species as they are quite fastidious. They sort of flush their litter box each time.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Take a look at the work away site also the help x site and you will understand what we do. We literally do host people of all ages and genders from many countries and I have found that this carelessness really knows no borders nor boundaries. We have seriously considered just not doing this - putting the toilet seat down before flushing should not be a major issue but it is one of them - and no one No One has a clue about toilet flumes until I tell and show the videos. I am serious about wondering what part of the human brain is afflicted to produce these habits so universally. You are hilarious re/ the wife. I can assure you it is not contagious . I should make the effort to send you a photo of our freezer - freezer with the chain and padlock around it. Really, most volunteers do think I am nutzo for demanding such things as closing doors, and cabinets, and about crumbs left on kitchen counters. I figure that there has to be some affliction of the human brain or some throw back to the days when humans lived in caves that had no doors. The same goes for grabbing the door it self and not the handles . My door is constantly dirty from hands on it as are my kitchen cabinets - some of them are permanently stained already. I am honestly curious about what kind of mentality causes this and what can I do to break that mental wall when they first arrive. We have a French girl here now, good enough worker, smart, speaks fine English, but she will leave a kitchen cabinet door ajar. Besides just looking bad, anybody can run into the open cabinet door and hit their head, it happened here with my son a couple of times. I told her. ok She did it again and again. Then I on purpose opened all the cabinet doors as wide as they would go and left them like that as a message to her that she had again done that. She got the message and it helped but not totally. One guy, also from France, actually wanted to argue with me about leaving the fence gate open while he was going back and forth. I told him that if the job was too difficult just not to do it, to leave and I would use his bed for someone who knew how to shut doors after themselves. I know how to correct things,but I am sick to death of having to deal with this all the time. I just left for a week to a time share ocean resort near by and I put the bike lock and padlock on my front gate while I was gone. That actually is ridiculous just as a chain on the freezer - freezer is. Has no one ever examined this quality in humans ? the psychology behind it I mean ?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
This is an example of what was done when I was gone - the gate left unlocked, held closed by a flower pot and shell, with my little dogs inside the yard ready to run at the first chance. This is why now I use a bike lock with a padlock to lock the gate when I am gone . Ridiculous I hope I chose the right photo here.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
This is not some joke and my constantly having to correct and put locks and signs does affect the relationships of those who are staying here. There has to be some way to break through the cement brains of these people that I do not know.
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 8 months ago.
This problem appears to have gone on for some time. Trying to define or distinguish human beings by this behavior is difficult. It sounds like all sorts of humans including gender, age, race and nationality. If they have no sense of integrity it's what is seen with renters versus owners. I know for myself, I won't rent anything anymore. You said you are considering not doing this anymore. Sharing your stress about it, won't alleviate the problem and I can only give you my opinion. There is nothing wrong with giving up this program that you have. Thanks for accessing Justanswer and make a powerful choice with all this.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
My question is really how to understand this behavior, why, what mental distraction/ condition contributes to it, understanding is key in my opinion. Yes, we have done this for a few years now , 4 ? or 5 ? and for the most part the benefits have largely outweighed the negatives. Check the www that I told you to understand. We have live in help/ volunteers who tend the dogs, get up early to put them out, do house work , do yard work, help in all ways you can think of - some better than others of course. At the same time we host interesting people from around the world that adds much to our own knowledge and makes life interesting. We had a young woman from Kiev not long ago, Taiwan, China, and it all goes to make me better informed for real, not just what I read. It also confirmed that profiling is absolutely valid. Like we say, birds of a feather do flock together. Blind folded I could categorize 99 % of our guests correctly. I wonder if you could recommend a book or reference that may illuminate this annoying habit that most have of leaving things open, ajar, unlocked, open ? I still think its a throw back to the days when we lived in caves that had no doors. Of course I can stop hosting - I often take a break from it and from having strangers live in my home. But look. I am going for 2 weeks to a resort the month . The French girl knows the routine, knows our dogs, has no key for the front gate and that's ok with her, and I can trust her to do the basic cleaning all the time including when I am not here. At no cost to me. I am not her employer and she is not an employee, but she is a live in guest with us who is very helpful all the time , as agreed via help x. I have a young man and his dog who have transformed my garden and repotted all our plants and loves the little dogs , who helps me carry stuff , clean the car, better than my own sons, and I am teaching him English. Its a win - win most of the time. f y i in the beginning he also had grabbed the kitchen cabinets with both hands. Now - no. I had him spray and clean them as a lesson in 'do not put hands on the cabinets, use the handles' . And so on. Its the WHY most humans do this that interests me - what kind of malfunctioning does the human brain do ? Like inversion that also is universal. When I was working for my carrier, I knew that if a passenger told me that they had reservations on flight 106 that they were on our flight 601. Done deal every time, no matter what city they were in , no matter if they were what nationality , it is the same - inversion.
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 8 months ago.
I don't know of any books you can find for your problem. It's really the cost of business that has to be managed. It's your responsibility including researching the Internet and I'm not a physician that deals with the behavior of human beings such as is your concern. I will opt out of our conversation and someone might discuss your issue.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** a mental health issue / behavioral science/ and I thought I had entered this question as such. I don't need solutions - I have made and am capable of making those, do it every day and have some fun while doing so, it is the behavioral dictates behind this behavior that has my interest.
What drives the human to do this ? Obviously it is entirely world wide without boundaries. I know that from experience. I have nailed a door shut to make my point here - that is really having fun - but it is the WHY that has my interest.
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 8 months ago.
This is Dr Manos again. I was wrong to say that I didn't deal with behavior in my practice as an obstetrician/gynecologist. I saw patients for almost forty years and many didn't understand their health and the function of their reproductive organs. It seemed to be more prevalent over time and an ignorance of the consequences of the lack of knowledge. People don't realize their responsibility for the world around them and their lack of integrity is a huge blind spot in society. This is why we have the world we live in
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Of course I know well that you dealt with people all your life - on the front line - like I did also as an airline agent, Any direct contact with the general public is frightening. I had 40 years also of that - in a different category than you. Many insights , like the inversion thing, but nothing to compare with what I have been seeing before my eyes since we began hosting work away and help X volunteers. I never dreamed there were so many ways to do everything wrong until these last few years as a host on both programs. I have become intensely curious about what makes humans tick the way they do in some ways, like not closing doors - like being seemingly oblivious to turning things off or replacing items where they came from . etc Most of these people are smart, educated, accomplished, decent , nice. Still these behaviors seem inborn in the greater lot of them. These people live in our home with us so I have the chance to observe daily and deal with it. You are a smart guy and have a sense of humor also ( the wife thing ) . I got that. That alone was a 5 star response to me. This experience has made me curious . I actually have a sign on the toilet lid CLOSE ME with a finger pointing down, signs in the bathroom saying all sorts of things, and on the freezer also that has the chain around it. To me , going out and leaving a door open or ajar is like going downtown without your bloomers on. Bare A**ed as it were. I wondered if anybody else had ever done any study on these issues. I would like to do a huge quality control investigation now to see just how wide spread these habits of the Earthbound humans are. By the way, I appreciate your responses very much, Thanks, Gina
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 8 months ago.
About twenty years ago I was introduced to a worldwide company called Landmark Education that held seminars all over the world to look at the being in human beings. I spent a number of years in the various and learned what was in the background of my dealing with relationships at home and the office. Each individual that is curious about the programs has to sign up for a three day weekend and one weekday evening event called The Landmark Forum. I learned I feared vulnerability and outside of my training and knowledge in healthcare, I didn't want others to think I wasn't the capable doctor I demonstrated. Bot***** *****ne, I hid from responsibility in some areas and when I distinguished it, I opened up communication and leadership in my activities. If you haven't participated in Landmark courses I recommend looking at it to see the obstacles people create in their being that leads to inauthentic living. I believe the company's called Landmark Worldwide. You may have heard of EST training in the 70's and 80's and some of the programs that helped graduates transform their lives morphed into the Landmark model.