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LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 619
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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My husband is in NA trying to recover, and i feel like he is

Customer Question

my husband is in NA trying to recover, and i feel like he is trying to get with other women in NA. I found messages in his phone with other females that were flirty and he had said to me that he can't help his emotions around woman because its a new life sober and he has never seen this being sober. Meaning its a whole new life for him not using and his feelings and emotions are through the roof. He says that it means nothing that he is friends with these people but my gut tells me otherwise. He says he loves me and that he does want to stay married, i think we need counseling.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 10 months ago.

Hello and thanks for writing to us. My name is***** am sorry to hear you description of what is happening with your husband. While it must feel good to see him sober, I imagine seeing him go through a phase of this emotional "awakening" is scary, frustrating, disappointing and also confusing. He has also breached your trust and sober or not, this will need some repairing and commitment.

While peer support is a huge part of the NA program, I am with you that something seems off here. Sober or not, there is no justification for flirting outwardly with other women nor allowing yourself to get swept up in new emotions of desire and lust when you are married since turning sober. To me, I can understand that for the first time in a while, your husband's drug use is not interfering with his ability to think and feel, however this is absolutely not justification for infidelity on any level.

So I would trust your gut here and enter into counseling with him before this gets too late and he allows something to happen that will put a serious damper on your marriage. If he loves you, he will agree to this as he is now admittedly a different person, and the two of you need to "get to know each other" again and also redevelop your marriage without substances as a factor. It is a great sign that he is reinforcing he loves you and wants to stay married, but he needs to back that up now that he has shaken your trust.

I hope this helps confirm what you are feeling although I know it isn't easy to face this. I am here to talk more if you'd like.


Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 10 months ago.

Hello, I noticed this question was still open and wanted to know if I could help further before you provide me a rating?Rating my answer will not affect your payment but will allow me credit for my time. Thank you for cosnidering and please reach out if you'd like to talk!