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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 669
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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I'm a well-adjusted, college educated, working professional.

Customer Question

Hi. I'm a well-adjusted, college educated, working professional. I'm a 35 year old female and am writing because I often wonder if I could have been sexually abused as a toddler and while I may not remember it, could I still have been affected? I was adopted from Colombia as a baby, by a wonderful family in the midwest, who also adopted my half-sister too (she was about 8). However, they caught her physically abusing me, so within a year they gave her to a new family out of state, to be re-adopted as an only child to get 1:1 attention. They never allowed me to be in touch with her again. Well, I am asking today... because for as far back as I can remember, I have been overly (unusually, in my opinion) interested in sex. I have known how to masturbate since as far back as I can remember (maybe 5 or 6 yrs old?) and would do it often, even in the back seat of the minivan while parents drove somewhere. I also had sex very young with a neighbor boy my age (maybe 6 or 7 yrs old) which was my idea, and I would often draw pictures of sexual acts (and masturbate to them, again very young). Finally now, I'm realizing perhaps I was actually a victim of sexual abuse, because none of that sounds normal to me at all. Could I have been sexually abused but not remember it? Thank you.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 10 months ago.

Welcome to JA. My name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in NYS. I am preparing my reply and will post in one moment.

Expert:  Linda D. replied 10 months ago.

Hello, I am so glad you reached out with your questions. First, I want you to know I understand and hear your concern over your premature interest in being sexual with the neighbor boy and also drawing pictures of sexual acts at a young age. May I ask how old you were when your adopted half sister was caught physically abusing you and what exactly was she doing to you? This situation may not have anything to do with your questions about you sexual awareness at a young age but it is still a very significant part of your childhood and a piece of the overall puzzle. The information you have shared would definitely raise questions from a clinical professional as to how a child would have become so aware of sexual behaviors and images. and yes, we would suspect that you were sexualized and/or sexually abused prior to these behaviors. And yes, you could have been sexually abused and for various psychological reasons blocked the experience(s) from your psyche. This takes place quite often with children as the violation is so overwhelmingly traumatic for them that they repress the information or experience until they are older, and may start connecting their own behaviors and memories as you are that do not make sense. The definition of repression is to unconsciously forget or block thoughts, feelings and impulses that are unacceptable, it is similar to a type of amnesia and often occurs over traumatic past memories. Does this make sense and answer your questions? I am here for you. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Thanks for your reply. I was just 2 or 3 years old during her physical abuse. I'm not sure how often or long it went on exactly though, but know she did not stay with my adoptive family very long. The only story I heard is that she locked me in the dryer and my (adoptive) mom caught her. However, my parents are very protective of me so if she got caught doing anything else its likely they would not have shared it to shield me. I do know she's very messed up (mentally ill) today (not only from what my parents eluded to when I was young), but also because she found me on Facebook about 5 years ago, reached out, but said some crazy things, so I ended contact with her. My point is, I'm not surprised if she would have done something to me, but wish I could prove it to explain my weird childhood behaviors.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 10 months ago.

Have you considered seeing a psychotherapist to discuss these questions you have in a safe, therapeutic environment? You sound like a healthy, strong, competent woman and because of these qualities you may really benefit from therapy around your childhood sexual behaviors. I wish you all the best and invite you to ask any further questions you may have related to this topic. Please take a moment to rate my service to you, I would truly appreciate it. Thank you. Linda D., LMSW, CASAC