Hello, my name is***** is site policy that questions that are concerning for suicide get sent to the moderator. After my reply, I will flag this question which will not allow us to conversate past what I wrote. I apologize for that.
Because you ask, I think it is important that you understand that suicide leaves a path of destruction for all indirectly and directly involved. Those who love you will be tormented by thoughts of how they let you down and the "if onlys" will last a lifetime. You will be a legacy in your family and will be known by relatives for years to come as dying by suicide at a young age. It creates a legacy that people will look back on forever with remorse, sorrow, and a unimaginable pain. Strangers and friends of friends will mull over your loss wondering exactly what could have been so bad to have you feel suicide was the only way through. Suicide can cause trauma for those who find you leaving permanent scars in their memory and PTSD, and fundamentally alter the courses of more people than you can realize. Suicide epitomizes tragedy, and those you leave behind will spend a lifetime picking up the pieces, only to drop them and need to start over.
I respect your religiosity and while it is not my strong suit, I can say I have talked about suicide with two of my very close friends who are both strong Christians. They absolutely asserted that it was against the ways of the church as they felt God did not give you the gift of life only for one to consider it expendable. They both felt that in despair such as this, true healing could be found in a conviction to help others through civil service, where you seek to know pain greater than yours and can still find people carrying on. They fundamentally argued that taking your life was fully in contrast to God's plan for an individual and never to be seen as an option, even in the darkest of times.
While I assume you did some searching on your own, I found this site and thought it may give you some things to read and contemplate...https://hopefaithprayer.com/scriptures/scriptures-against-suicide/
I'd like to conclude by pleading with you to see all the strength you have. You have fought hard times and have learned so much and you are absolutely braver and more resilient than you feel at this moment. Suicide is a permanent way out of a temporary problem. Your dark thoughts right now have you believing it to be a good option but those dark thoughts can lift and the plague you feel will subside. So while life right now has you down enough to feel like this may be an option, think of the possibilities you'd miss out on - all the unknowns which are bound to be better than the cards you have been playing. Think about your loved ones and the hurricane havoc that suicide imparts on your friends, family and community. Know you are stronger than these dark thoughts - that you can reign over them and fight another day. You have value and purpose. you are wanted, needed and loved.
Please, reach out for help. Don't delay another minute. There are police waiting for a call to save you, There are hospitals that have beds to keep you safe, there are providers like myself that will walk beside you to help alleviate your pain and shoulder your burdens as they hold your hand. You are not in this alone. There are people who have been to the blackest places, and come out and have not looked back. And this can and will be you, too.
I wish you absolute strength, hope, resilience, and joy. These things await you but you have to get help. Please go to your nearest emergency room now or call...
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