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Dr. Norm S.
Dr. Norm S., Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 11244
Experience:  Over 30 years of experience in OB/GYN practice.
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We are married couple for 21 years. I (husband) had

Customer Question

We are married couple for 21 years. I (husband) had premature ejaculation (in 1-2 minutes) from very beginning of our married life. My wife is multi-orgasmic. Then to compensate, I introduced alternatives, like erotic massage to my wife and fingering by a male masseur about 6 years ago. It improved my performance after seeing her having multiple orgasm. It was a very occasional practice.
After a pause, we again tried the sensual massage yesterday, and my wife had multiple orgasms (6-7) and then I had intercourse in front of the other man (for the first time) but I ejaculated in 1 minutes. After long gap she enjoyed the fingering but she gets bothered by her religious and cultural taboos (inhibitions), we are South Asian origin and does not proceed towards having sex with the other person.
The extreme pre-mature ejaculation led me to the fantasy that "my wife getting multiple orgasms by having sex with another man and I participate at the end (threesome)". Due to life-long anxiety related to pre-mature ejaculation, further complicated by erectile dysfunction after suffering from diabetes and subsequent minor depression for last 4 years, and both of us stepping into 5th decade, I am seriously thinking about following situation and seeking your expert opinion:
Should I (husband) seek sex therapy to reduce my anxiety and depression related to unhappiness in sex-life, or should my wife seek counseling to accept alternatives for improving both sex and life, or both of us should seek sex therapy together?
It may be noted that as a married couple, we are very much committed and have children and my wife still is very much sexually active but forcefully dimities her sex desires to protect me from anxiety.
Look forward to hearing from you with your expert suggestions.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Norm S. replied 1 year ago.

Have you seen a sex therapist for your problem of premature ejaculation?

Have you seen a therapist yourself to deal with the anxiety and depression? Thank you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
doctor, I have consulted with a sex therapist and urologist and a complete evaluation was done by them. Unfortunately, I fall under the category of those men, who suffer from diabetes related erectile dysfunction and I was advised to go through extensive therapy for premature ejaculation. But its expensive for my current financial situation.I also consulted with a Psychiatrist, who said my anxiety and depression is mild advised to seek treatment for premature ejaculation along with psychotherapy for anxiety and depression.
Expert:  Dr. Norm S. replied 1 year ago.

I think the best treatment would be for you and your wife to have therapy together, designed primarily to help the premature ejaculation. Depending on the success of that treatment, you may or may not need to get individual therapy for anxiety and depression.

Ideally the two of you would see a sex therapist with experience in treating premature ejaculation. If that is too expensive, I would hope that you could get the assistance of your primary doctor. Premature ejaculation can usually be treated with good success. There is an article here that should be helpful to both you and perhaps your doctor.

There are medications that can be helpful, some of which a doctor would have to prescribe. SSRI medications can be helpful. Sometimes a numbing cream such as lidocaine can be helpful to decrease sensations in the penis.

The main method usually used to treat premature ejaculation is stop-start, possibly used with the squeeze technique. It' described in the article, and requires a good deal of cooperation between the two partners, which is why it's best done under the guidance of a sex therapist.

There are other medications that are usually successful for erectile dysfunction, such as Viagra, etc, and if necessary, penile injections. These all require a prescription.

So I think it will require the two of you seeing someone together for help, and then working together to overcome these problems, probably with the help of medications.