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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 668
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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I have a lot of stuff bothering me. I just feel like out of

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Hello, I have a lot of stuff bothering me. I just feel like out of all the bad adjectives like shallow, superficial, snobbishness, lying, gossiping, fake, bias, conceited, racism, judgemental, stereotyping, mean, inconsiderate, rude, etc., people say they don't do any of those things. There are probably a thousand bad adjectives I left out, but if you were to take all of the bad personality traits in the dictionary, all the people I talk to act like they don't do any of those things. And I feel like a lot of people are mean to me. Like one time, when I was 19 and I only weighed 110-115 pounds, my brother told me that I was going to get a heart attack before I even make it medical school. I'm like how can someone think that someone who only weighs that much and has no other medical problems like high blood pressure, high sugar, and didn't even eat that much or no more than other people is going to have a heart attack before medical school. I would think the person would have to be very overweight, or if they were skinny, they would have to have some kind of extenuating circumstances. Or one time, I told a group of people that I felt like people were competing with me because I'll say my grade, and they'll say they made higher, and they just literally went off on me for a whole hour and a half saying things like, "well what were you expecting, if you say your grade, maybe they think you're being competitive, I don't usually bring up my grade." One girl said, "I have a lot of friends, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who misinterprets things, it would be too much work." I understood their point of view, but I thought it was kind of harsh to go off on me for an hour and a half just because I said that one thing. Or one time I was telling someone that the people at our school were so snobby, and she said, "when you look at the demography it is to be expected." People don't really say things like that when other people talk about the snobbishness of other people. Like did she think I was stupid that I didn't already know that about the demography thing. I feel like when I ask something, people act like I'm stupid, like one time I asked, "What's the secret to getting along with people,", and one person was like, "what were you expecting to a question like this?", like she thought I was stupid or something. Or like if I ask a question like,"why don't people like me?", they say, "you should know the answer to that question.", but when people ask how to spell a word, math questions, etc., people don't say, "you should know the answer", but just politely answer it or direct them to someone who can. Like one time someone asked how to spell Texas, and no one said, "you should know how to spell it." But I feel like a question like why don't people like me, there's no way to even figure that out because I can't read people's minds, so why would they say, "you should know that." I feel like they act like I'm stupid because I ask these questions but how can they say they are stupid questions when there's no way to know the answer since you can't read people's minds, whereas how to spell Texas, that's something you can know and this person had lived in Texas for a while. Or I feel like people will pick on me for moral issues, like they will make a big deal out something small that I do, or say, "don't do that," or tell me not to gossip, or call people a name, but they do it more than I do it. Or if I tell them something, like that someone stole something from me, they act like it didn't happen, but how does that make any sense? People steal stuff all the time in the world. Like that person may have even admitted to me they did that particular thing wrong, but when I talk to a third party person about it they will say the first person didn't do that particular thing wrong, but they may have never even met the first person, and weren't there to witness the situation. Or people say it's okay to say good things about yourself, but then wouldn't like it if I were to. Like they say it's okay to say things like, "I'm smart, I'm beautiful," but if I show any hint of thinking or saying something good about myself, they react negatively to me. Or if I feel like someone doesn't like me, they tell me to go and ask them, but then if I ask them, people say that's not fair to put them on the spot and confront them like that. Or I feel like no matter what I say or do, people act like I'm wrong or I'm stupid. Like if I say someone is mean or snobby, they may say, "All of those people are like that." But if I say all of them are like that, they say, "I don't think all of them are like that, you can't generalize." So I feel like no matter what I say, there can be something wrong found with it, or it can be disagreed with it, or I can be made feel stupid because of it. Or if I'm getting criticized all the time, then does that mean that other people are perfect if there's nothing bad you can say about them? I can be like, "You have all these friends, and I don't have any friends, so if you're perfect, you should already know my name and you would be immortal and would never die." Or I feel like things are a popularity contest, like people will try to tell me that someone else doesn't like me, like they think they are more popular than me, but they have never even met that person. Or if I tell them that someone else made good grades, etc., they will say that person is smart, but they've never even met that person, they are just going by what I said about them. So how is it that people are able to compliment people they've never even met or have no other information about? Like would the admissions committee at Harvard admit someone they've never even met or have no other information about like their transcripts, test scores, etc. They can't just go by what someone else told them, they would have to have it verified by official documentation, social security number, etc. And after they got admitted, they would have to present their valid ID to prove it's them to be able to enroll. Or else I could just get someone tell the admissions committee how smart I am, and they would have to believe them and admit me based on that. Or if I screamed out, "I'm stupid,", "I'm jealous", "I eat a lot," they don't even know if those things are true, they are just going by what I said to judge me. So then if I screamed out good things, would they automatically come true? Or if I tell people bad things about myself, it seems like they like it. Like one time I told this girl that I was chubby, and she started to like me after I said that. Or if I tell people that I feel like people don't like me, they get a surprised conceited happy look on their face, like they liked it that I said that. These are just some examples, but there are a lot things bothering me, and can you please please please attend to some or all of the issues I presented above. I didn't word all of them in a question format, and I know there's quite a bit of them, I will pay you more if you like, but I would really appreciate it if you would attend to all of them. Thank you.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 11 months ago.

Welcome to JA. My name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in NYS. I am preparing my reply and will post in one moment.

Expert:  Linda D. replied 11 months ago.

I am glad to be able to help you again with this issue of people treating you badly. First, I am wondering f you are suffering from and/or being treated for depression? One of the ways that depression manifests itself is through seeing the world and the people in our lives through a negative perception. For instance your brother may genuinely have been thinking about your best interests or may just have been being dramatic when he talked about your weight/health but if you are prone to depression you would have felt irritable and/or seen this as very negative, an insult, etc. Does this make sense? Linda D., LMSW, CASAC