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LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 642
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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Im so depressed i used to swear to my gf and curse her alot

Customer Question

Im so depressed i used to swear to my gf and curse her alot and everytime i do this she cries and feel bad and then i apologize to her and then she forgive me its been on this phase 1 year .. Fighting and i curse.. But our realtionship for 3 years.. Before 6 days we had a fight and then i cursed her after i gave her my promise not to curse then hung up .. When i be mad i dont control my anger im so sad.. She doesnt want me to stay with her for a couple of days she left me alot and its been 6 days she feels very cold she told me she cant see me in the same way like before and she feels so cold that it controls her life.. and i was crying on the phone and begging her not to leave me alone i was crying my heart out i swear its so weird that i feel so scary without her.. She said im shocked that ur so weak without me and she was saying ill try to be back like before but i dont know if i will she said that she needs a break then i broke down and told her no dont leave me i beg u and cried like a child who wants his mom..She acted so cold she didnt care that much she only felt guilty bc im crying and stuff and told me plz stop toying with my emotions..Then i decided to act cold by texting then i told her now i thought about it ill give u the break u want and ill give u 2 weeks to decide.. I blocked her so that she thinks im serious and tol her talk to u in 2 weeks..But im so sad rn im crying and feel scared i cant live without her and i cant accept the idea of her being with another man its killing me so much i need help please help me im getting so crazy i have no one to talk to im talking to myself like a crazy man.. Asking why .. Why did she leave me..she used to love me alot she also used to tell me that shell die if i left her and when we fight and i tell her lets end up our relationship she cries and threatens me that she wants to commit a suicide she used to love me alot that i cant believe it how did she be like this suddenly?? I sweat to god i need her back i want her to want me again. I dont want to move on.. I want her back
. Is what i did like giving her what she asked for will bring her back to me??? Please help me
Giving her a break to think will help?
Although in the first place i cried and refused to do so
Ps. When i told her ill give u the break she was like "oh u copied ur friend opinion and pasted it to me id have appreciated this more if u wrote it urself and i know whats the difference between ur way of writing and ur bitches writing.. But ok "
Her reply was like that
Then i told her
Plz respect urself and thats my own des icon and stuff and see u in 2 weeks then i blocked her
Please tell me what do u think asap
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for writing to us. My name is ***** ***** I look forward to helping you. I am reviewing your question and will write back in a few minutes.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks waiting ..
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Sorry for the delay. This sounds like a very hard situation. Perhaps your girlfriend leaving offers you a good opportunity to reflect on the cycle of ups and downs you have had to try to decide if this really is the relationship you want to stay in. If it is, then i definitely advice you give her the space she has asked for and you have committed to. With all do respect, your girlfriend is at a turning point where she needs to decide if she wants to stay and it sounds like your past treatment of her has made her question whether you are her future or not. This is probably what she tried to convey to you when she acted cold and uncaring.

Since you seem committed to wanting her back, I would honor her need for space and wait out the 2 weeks without additional contact. While you are waiting, you should come up with a plan about how you are going to make positive change to treat her better and show her more respect so you don't continue to engage in this cycle of cursing at her, making her cry, then asking for forgiveness. In two weeks, tell her how much she means to you and how you intend to be better and then prove it to her. It may be that you commit to couples or even individual counseling as proof that you want to be better.

I know this may not be exactly what you want to hear but based on what you have said, it is likely your girlfriend is really contemplating a future with you and if you want to be part of it, you will need to show positive change and commitment. Words are only words and promises are empty if time has shown patterns of behavior that has been unfavorable. But a well-thought out plan with demonstrations of how you plan to be better may allow her to trust you again so you can move forward together.

Everything is a chance to learn and grow. Perhaps for you, this break will allow you a chance to figure out how to nurture this woman who you so clearly cherish.



Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks so much for your reply i appreciate it..Do u think as a woman that she might come back and love me again?
Do u think that she stopped loving me?
She said i didnt stop loving u but i dont know theres something i feel thats cold towards u..So as a woman and an expert.. Please tell me
Is it possible to a woman to love again and forgive after she had her exact phase?
Im so depressed i swear its been a couple of days that i cant function i cant eat either
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

I bet she is being sincere when she tells you she still loves you. And yes, there is a definite chance that she will come back to you but I doubt it will last if there isn't meaningful behavior change on your side. If she is fed up now, it isn't likely her patience will last for ever and ultimately, she won't be able to forgive. Her response to you just shows that she is frustrated and hurting but it also implies that she would have been receptive if she had believed it had come from you. That is a good sign. The good thing is that you can control how you treat her in the future and therefore, the relationship really rests in your hands. So make the most of it!

As far as your depression, this separation is very hard and you are feeling that. The intensity of emotions and loss can feel really overwhelming. Time will help with this grief so if it doesn't turn out she is ready to give you another chance, please be assured that you are strong enough to survive and you will get through it. And while you wait, just take it easy on yourself. focus on distraction, getting some food, exercising, and resting enough. Meeting your basic needs and trying to stay busy will help you along as these days pass.


Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I just wanted to check in to see how your last few days have gone. I hope they have been okay for you,