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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 329
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I have been seeing my fiance for almost two years. The last

Customer Question

I have been seeing my fiance for almost two years. The last year of the relationship had been very challenging because his 13 yr old son moved in with us. His son lack the basic skills that I expect a 13 yr old to have (i.e. brush his teeth, taking shower, clean up after you spill something, and etc.). Over the course of 1 year, I tried many methods to correct those behavior but with no improvement. Over time, I got fustrated and tension grew between his son and me. One day out of the blue, his son asked his bio mom to come over and pack his stuff so he can move back in with her. I found out after I returned from work and asked my fiance what happened. He basically shutdown and refuse to talk. The next day I went to work like normal and he gave me a hug and a kiss. However, when I return home he was no where to be found. A note was left beside my bed and he have packed some of his clothes and left.
The letter read "This is something difficult. The last few months something had been off and now with Jimmy not wanting to be here my head is so loud with confusion and pain. I am having a mid life crisis. Nothing seems right. I am going to my brothers place to be alone. I have told my customers I am closing business for a couple of months. I do not know what else to do. Please do not call, I wont answer for at least a couple weeks. Leave the bills on my card. I need some time and at 40 its a commodity I have to respect. I am sorry. I love you."
I am so confused and unsure what I should do. Please help.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 11 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Ohhhh Georgette, my heart aches for you as this situation is horribly difficult. I can absolutely understand your frustration with your fiance's son. He sounds very immature (put mildly) and absolutely undisciplined. I fear you trying to correct his poor behaviors have created the beginnings of tension between you and your fiance. I imagine your fiance is absolutely overwhelmed and unsure what he would like for his future.

My ultimate concern is that your fiance was unable to come to you and communicate his frustration or concerns. Leaving a note to a finance of two years, asking she not contact him is horribly childlike and downright cruel. This leaves you unable to speak with him, without answers for the future and without an direction for how to proceed.

I cannot imagine how you must be feeling but imagine your emotions are all over the board...ranging from confusion to anger. Has communication been an issue in your relationship all along? Leaving a note to communicate something so enormous with a partner is irresponsible and immature.

Based upon how this situation has been handled, I imagine you question the relationship all together. What is it that you would like to do? Do you still love your fiance? Is he willing to seek psychotherapy? Are you? Or, do you feel you must move forward on your own?

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 11 months ago.

Good evening, Georgette.

I hope you are ok today. Just wanted to check in as I have not received a rating from you as of yet To me this means you may have another question.Please let me know – I am simply touching base. Thanks!

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie