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Hello and thank you for writing to us. My name is***** understand that times are tough for you and your son right now because you are about to experience a mutual life-changing event. Times of transition and times of stress can absolutely promote some unbalance in relationships. So just when you want things to be smooth and happy as you are saying goodbye, you are both instead tense and irritable. This is especially interfering as you have so much that needs to get done! Please trust that this is part of the transition process and probably reflects the grief component of this major life event grief process. There may be some subconscious anticipatory grief going on with you and him where you are both pushing each other away to lighten the pain of him leaving. It is also extremely likely that this is just a high stress time so nerves and emotions are running high and patience is running low.
Hang in there. This too shall pass but it will not be without a huge range of emotions. Again, this is a huge time in your life and I suspect that the weight of it is being reflected in the heightened emotions on all sides. Be patient and kind to your son and to yourself. Soon, he'll be doing his thing and you will get to be proud that you raised such a strong young man who is now able to fend for himself while carving out a future.
I wish you the best as you endure these difficult days! Bittersweet for sure.
i look forward to you comments, should you wish to add more to our conversation.
One more thing - this tends to be a phase of fierce expression of independence where your son is trying to gear himself up to go at things without support. You may be feeling his grasp for independence as he pushes you away to help prime himself that he can tackle what is ahead....
I hope so, too! If this is out of the ordinary for him, we would definitely take as look at the external things going on which might explain the behavior. Had pending college not been a factor here and his behavior regarding ill treatment and disrespect was more typical, it might warrant digging deeper to assess if something more severe was going on. But with college on the horizon which is undoubtedly one of the most stressful transitions in all of life, it seems "justifiable" that he is expressing behavior not quite his norm. I think you should ride this out and give him a little space while still being as supportive. Certainly his transition to college doesn't warrant mistreatment of you but perhaps you can approach from validating that he is stressed and strained and emotionally tapped out but you prefer he not take it out on you (or your walls!).
You're welcome. Those two events are likely the underlying cause here. Young adults don't always have the best coping mechanisms for stress.
Hang in there! It is a tough time for you as well,