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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 706
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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I lied to my boyfriend and I want to get the trust back.

Customer Question

I lied to my boyfriend and I want to get the trust back
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: why? I lied
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: no
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Hello, my name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in New York State. Thank you for reaching out to Just Answer with your question. Can you tell me a little bit more about what happened between the two of you? How long have you been together? How is he handling that you lied to him? The more you can share with me the more i can understand and give you some strategies and ideas on how to heal the relationship. I look forward to hearing from you. Linda D., LMSW, CASAC

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We have been together 6 months, we started dating while I was going through a divorce. I have a lot of stuff from my past I don't just tell anyone the first week or so, and he says I lied to him about that I just didn't tell him. Plus he has ADHD and is taken a new med that gives him no interest in sex. I was getting a little fruscated and went on Tinder, he caught me and got upset. I deleted it but then a month later went on it again. I never wanted to meet anyone on Tinder I just needed some reasurrion about us as well as maybe some attention, either way it sucks and I'm sorry
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hes upset with the lieing can forget all about it but the forgiving and getting the trust back he said will take time, he doesn't even make out with me anymore. The last time we made out with me was 3 months ago, that was the last time we had sex too.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Ahhh, yes, it is time to back up and start paying special attention to him and the relationship to let him know how special he is to you. He has been hurt and his trust has been betrayed. he may also be feeling self conscious because the medication is affecting his libido. (This is something he should discuss with the prescribing doctor who can change his medication to something that doesn't have this side effect). It is going to take time like he said, but you can possibly create more healing, forgiveness and tenderness by doing some acts of kindness and caring for him. Bake him some cookies, make him dinner, give him a back rub, etc. Trust is the most important ingredient for there to be intimacy in the relationship, emotional and sexual. So be patient and take opportunities like I said to make him feel like he is special to you again. I wish you all the best with him. Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. And please take a moment to rate my service to you tonight. I would truly appreciate it. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC