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John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 567
Experience:  25+ years helping people find solutions...
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My husband tells me he hasn't been happy time. He yells and

Customer Question

My husband tells me he hasn't been happy for a long time. He yells and says horrible things, but then says words are just wind. Everything tends to always be blamed on my personal issues, but his anger is a huge problem. He seems to be very contradicting.
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: We are both not taking any medications. We have seen a psychologist about 5 times around December of last year. I feel like he doesn't want to put in the work to make our marriage better.
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: I had ppd, when my son was born for about a year. It got better. Although, my husband says my attitude plays a huge role in our problems. I can take responsibility, but it seems that's all we focus on.
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 1 year ago.

I am so sorry to hear this. It is never all one person's fault. What seems to set your husband off? When are things better? I want to help you but any further information might be helpful to me.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Here is the recent example: we were going to a wedding and I had asked h8m the day before to sleep on the couch or guest bed because he would be snoring louder from having a few drinks and I had a 12 hour shift to work the next day. I got mad and yelled at him to go sleep on the couch when he came in at 3am and woke me up. I know I should have reacted differently, but I specifically asked him to do this one thing for me.
I'm not sure they are ever better. He c9ntradicts himself and says that we have really good times, but then tells me that he's been unhappy for a long time and he can't be himself. It makes me feel like it's not worth the effort because he has already given up.
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 1 year ago.

I personally feel its never too late but that is a decision only you two can make. It sounds to e you both have much to work on. First of all, I am wondering why he is coming in at 2 AM? Is it work or play? The fact is I cant change your husband, but possibly you can. I am not blaming you for anything but you are the one reaching out, so I must assume you are the one willing to change, I have limited information here but based on what I have suggest you learn what I call the thee keys to communication: 1) Say what you mean, 2) Mean what you say, 3) and never be mean in how you say it. From what I have just read that may do wonders. There almost never a good reason to yell at our spouse. Simply tell him the way it is gong to be and what the consequences will be otherwise and stick to your guns. Listen to what your husband has to say. Don't worry about what he is requesting that you cant do. Simply do what you can. What is the one small change you can make that will impress him? Is your marriage worth that change? I feel like you want this to work or you wouldn't be reaching out for help. I could probably help you more but with what information I have this is my advice. I really do believe these small changes might take you a long ways. Does that make sense?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It does make sense. He actually came home at 11 and slept on the couch and then went to our room because he wasn't getting any sleep. I think the whole saying, say what you mean and mean what you say is perfect. As well as the never be mean in how you say it. I think we both can learn from this. I just hope it will be used. It seems he doesn't care how mean he is anymore.
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 1 year ago.

I am so sorry to hear that. Remember, you are the only person you can actually control. Do your part and give him a chance to follow suit, Determine no hoe long and how far you are willing to go. Do give it a chance though.