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Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4642
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I really am at a loss to know what to do. I have been with

Customer Question

Hi, I really am at a loss to know what to do. I have been with my partner for 2 years (this time round - we first dated over 30 years ago!). We are very much in love - he is not the easiest person by his own admission. He had a difficult childhood and can sometimes feel angry or depressed for no apparent reason. However, this latest episode is very challenging. I am normally upbeat and positive but a couple of weeks ago I was feeling quite low (I had recently lost 2 people close to me). Unfortunately I could see that he was having a bit for a downer but I didn't have the energy to deal with it. He just got worse and worse - got v angry and then shut down. Since then he has turned his phone off and disappeared off social media (we don't live together). He's not responding to me or his close friends. I know he is ok because he's in touch with his sister - she says he seems fine and doesn't think he has a problem (he told her his phone is broken). I feel hurt and shut out - but worried about him.
Should I just give him space to work through this? The last message I had from him said it was nothing I had done but it's not fair on me to carry on. However, he hasn't suggested I go his flat to collect my things.
Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
To add to this - I went to hug him as I could see he was down and he pushed me away. Because I was feeling low myself this really upset me and told him. That is when he got so angry - said he couldn't deal with that and stormed off.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am sending him the odd message via email - just to say I'm here and thinking of him.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is still managing to go to work as far as I know
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.


Welcome to the site.

Well, it is quite evident that your partner is having some emotional issues that he is not able to address and acknowledge but he is using an escape from countering those unresolved issues and hence is avoiding contact with social life which includes you as it will bring to light what is troubling him which he somehow is choosing to ignore and he probably feels that is the best way to deal with it.

So at the moment if you try to persuade him by going after him to open up about his emotional roller coaster ride then unfortunately he will not perceive it as your empathy and genuine concern that you have towards him but he may probably see you as an imposing person, that is his persona I feel, so it will best for your relationship with him that you let him have his space and once in a while slip in a message or two about how is he doing and mentioning that you will be waiting for his reply and for his initiative towards resumption of meetings with you. Once you are able to get him to talk in person then you may coax him to open about what happened, what drove him away from you , what caused him to isolate himself, etc but certainly at the moment it is not the right time to look for answers or even to speculate about them based on the half baked information that you have from his sister.

I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best.

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