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Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4635
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I think both of my grandparents--now deceased--were possibly

Customer Question

I think both of my grandparents--now deceased--were possibly narcissists. However, my grandmother who I am named after, did me the most harm in some ways. How do I know if she was a narcissist?
JA: The Psychologist will need to help you with this. Please give me a bit more information, so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: What more information do you need?
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: Well, my grandfather molested me. Once. My grandmother called me, "antisocial" for no reason other than I didn't mind being alone, for as long as I can remember. She never seemed to like me and I'm certainly not sure she loved me.
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.
Greetings.Welcome to the site.I am sorry to learn that you had passed some tough times under your grandparents, usually grandparents act as a guiding torch for children to achieve greatness and secure upbringing but in your case may be you remained oblivious to the warmth and affection coming from a grandparent.I am putting up some questions below which you can answer in a simple Yes or No. This shall enable us to know better whether your grandmother had narcissistic traits or not.- Did she have a sense of increased self importance where everything began with her and revolved around her only and if someone tried to go against her whims and fancies then that person would become her enemy number one.?- Would she often contradict her self and backtrack on things which she had said earlier. ?- Was she self centred and mean , did she 9ut herself above one and all ?- Was she dishonest and cruel to others?- Did she lack empathy for others and did her relationships lack depth and they tend to be superficial ?I will, get back to you once you reply to me in yes or no for above questions. Regards
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for the inputs. Well, since most of the answers to my questions are yes, so it is indicative of the fact that your grandmother had narcissistic personality traits which unfortunately influenced you negatively and caused you a great deal of emotional upheaval. Having said that, I feel there is no need to brood over past events since your grandmother is not alive any more and therefore she should be allowed to rest in peace, in other words you got to overcome your emotional abuse at the hands of your deceased grandparents and try to learn to live in the present and pave way for a bright future for yourself and for those who matter to you the most. I am sure the sort of confirmation about the narcissistic ways of your grandmother must have brought some closure against your flared up sentiments and emotional undertones. If you still find it impossible to move on in life then I feel that you got to seek therapy such as CBT that is Cognitive Behavior Therapy from a clinical psychologist. This specialised counseling technique is most appropriate for the likes of you who have to endure a lot of emotional abuse at the hands of their near and dear ones and through this counseling you will be able to learn some core coping skills to counter your emotional baggage and to overcome your painful past experiences. I hope this helps.Wish you all the best. Please kindly leave a POSITIVE RATING if you are satisfied with the answer. Regards
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'm NAMED after her! It's pretty hard to just let her rest in peace, "forgive and forget" etc. when that is the case. Pretty simplified advice...but whatever. I can't exactly forget her when I'm called by her name everyday! Nor can I use my middle name because that's my aunt's name ( we both have the same given and middle names). I have done therapy. I was looking for confirmation that the woman was a self-centered, mean bitch who picked on me relentlessly while my sister could basically do no wrong in her eyes. Is that normal behavior for a grandmother? I wouldn't know--I never got to meet my other grandmother, so I have no one to compare her to. Why did she treat me so badly?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Why did no one (like either one of my parents) stick up for me when she was doing this?
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.
Well, i believe your parents must have tried to shield you from the emotional abuse at the hands of your grandmother but it seems like they have a weaker personality as compared to your grandmother's, as a result of which they were unfortunately subjugated and overpowered. Who knows may be they two were equally if not more emotionally tormented at the hands of your grandparents. You see it is an inherent trait of a narcissistic personality to boss around and undermine the rights and wishes of others and in this bargain they end up hurting a lot many people. It is merely not possible for others to stand up to them and challenge them , perhaps that is why they tormented you and others.So instead of blaming your parents you should spend some time with them and discuss and unburden your emotions since it will help you to understand what they were going through all this while, this sort of sharing of emotions will help you to get some closure on your past days of abuse and help you to move on in life without any baggage of past.I hope this helps.Wish you all the best.Please kindly leave a POSITIVE RATING if you are satisfied with the answer.Regards