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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My 51 yr old narcissistic ex-boyfriend lives approximately

Customer Question

My 51 yr old narcissistic ex-boyfriend lives approximately 100 feet from my house. We share many mutual friends, and I occasionally bump into him at restaurants/bars. He ended our relationship with the pull-away/silent treatment tactic & never offered me any explanation for our break-up. In fact, our relationship was great, fun, interesting and we didn't fight or argue. Yes, we diagreed on some things but nothing to cause the relationship to end. He's returned to his ex-girlfriend (she broke up with him) and now I have to regularly see her car in his driveway. While Intellectually I know to stay away from him, the reality is we see eachother in social situations and it makes me want to be with him. I miss him despite knowing that he is only concerned with himself. How do I move on?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. The best way to move on would be to try to try to start dating again and going out with your friends without him so that you can distract yourself more and more away from thinking about him. In addition, other techniques to help you move on would be to write a letter addressed to him where you explain everything you are feeling and thinking, do not hold anything back. But instead of giving him the letter you want to dispose of it in a fashion that you find cathartic, such as burning the letter. This will be a cathartic exercise to help you move on both literally and figuratively.

Another technique you can use would be a thought stopping technique. Here you wear a rubber band 24/7 and every time you think about him you want to snap the rubber band. This would create a mild pain that can help remind you to focus your attention elsewhere and also your brain will start to associate mild pain with him and will try to prevent you from thinking about him in a self-preserving manner.

Here is also a good book that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) principles to help you move forward with your life:

"Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" by Elliott

Overall the best solution is going to be time for you as that is what it takes to successfully move on after such an abrupt end to the relationship.