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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My name is*****'s hard to type a short version of what is

Customer Question

My name is***** hard to type a short version of what is going on.
My son who is 26 I recently found it is smoking pot. It is legal in Oregon.
He is not just smoking a little, he is smoking a LOT.
He recently has lost 2 or more jobs, is using my moms bank account she set up for him to pay his rent.. and he is going to grad school ( I think)
He is coughing a lot and has started smoking cigarettes.
He says he is depressed, has underlying anxiety and he has never had a girlfriend and is lonely. He is very smart.. genius level IQ and has always felt picked on and that he didnt fit in. He cant go outside without looking " just so" because he feels that people are judging him. His apartment ( which is too expensive for him) is falling apart with his oven, and toilet not working. Some kind of water or moisture damage on the wall. The ceiling is turning yellow. he has 2 cats, which he says hes Trying to find homes for. ( he has had them for 13 years).
I tried to talk with him when I found out that he was smoking weed. Both he dad and I have past addiction problems. Me with demerol and his dad with weed and alochol. I NEVER thought that he would do this. He has always been a " non medicator" and vegan.
He started hanging with people at his prior restaurnt job that turned him onto weed. He has also told me that he has chronic knee pain ( i never knew).
I am worried so much that my stomach hurts. The other night he said he felt sweaty like he had a fever, but no fever. In my opinion he was detoxing and I told him that. He lies .. and i'm not sure why, maybe to cover up the problem, maybe to tell himself that " he's ok". I really dont know what to do. He wont move into a cheaper place, he wont go talk with a therapist about his anxiety or even THINK about taking anything. He thinks that this weed is the best thing on the planet. It makes him social, takes his pain away, takes his insomnia away. But it's also cost him several jobs. He wants to get a job as an architect or at a firm, but the way he smells like weed, it's doubtful he'll get hired. Do I just let him implode? the more I try to talk to him, the angrier he gets. He came over for his brothers grad party yesterday and was getting stoned.. right in the back yard about every 1/2 hour to 45 min.. I worry that I'm going to lose him. I do not know if this is all he is doing. I think it is, but not sure. He is also smoking cigarettes.. not sure how many. He coughs alot.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum. Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. Unfortunately your son is an adult and he has to make choices for himself, even if those choices will harm him. You only have control of your own actions, just like he is the only one in control of his actions, which is why he is the one that must decide to get treatment for his mental health issues and substance abuse. You have already pointed out these issues to him and he has not responded well, but that is his choice...if you keep pushing the issue it will only drive him farther away from you unfortunately. At this point if your son does not want to help himself than there is likely not much else you can do for him until there comes a day when he does want to help himself with systematic treatment.