Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hello, my name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in New York State. I can understand why you are distressed at finding out indirectly that your fiance was carrying on communication with another person. However, the reality is that you both must also exist outside of your relationship and at times there will be situations that come up with members of the opposite sex that you will need to make decisions of how to handle. Please try not to make any assumptions about her motives or feelings. The important aspect to focus on is that she made a decision not to meet with this person. She trusted you and your relationship to give you access to her personal information. That is not he behavior of someone who has something to hide. Instead focus your energy on helping her to feel loved, appreciated and valued by you. You may also want to initiate a casual conversation at some point about what that is like for the two of you to be in a committed relationship when another person becomes flirtatious or you find yourself attracted to someone (this will happen and it is okay, you are both human, it is how you react or act upon attractions that are the problem). So relax, be grateful for the commitment you have both made to each other and do not let this bump cause you needless worry or concern. Please let me know if you have any other questions. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC
Yes, I can see your point.
It really seems like the best course of action at this time for you is to admit to her that you read the text messages and share with her your concerns. Given how you are feeling upon discovering this you are going to have a difficult time relating to her in a positive way until this is discussed and you have your questions answered. You would want to discuss this by being very honest about yourself and how you feel and avoid saying anything negative or accusatory. Try to make it safe for her to be honest with you about what she was thinking and feeling with this person. I know it will be difficult but try not to react to anything she says and if you intend to stay together and get married use this as an opportunity to understand each other's expectations and needs. Use a lot of "I" statements. This event can actually bring you closer together dpending on how you handle it. I wish you both all the best. Please let me know if you have any further questions that I can help you with. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC