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LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 672
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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My fiancé has always had anxiety and ocd. They recently had

Customer Question

My fiancé has always had anxiety and ocd. They recently had a short term emotional affair which I suspected the entire time it was occurring. We had been dating for five years at the time. The other person involved had also been in a long term relationship. What started out as friendly, matriculated into an emotional relationship beyond friendly. My partner ended it and regretfully confessed what had occurred. I forgave my partner and they wanted to continue with our relationship. We have been best friends since childhood. We were in a fun, loving, happy relationship before this occurred and we still are now. However, the event caused my partner to suffer from ROCD. My partner tells me constantly they are confident that they wish to marry me, but they are battling thoughts about the previous person they do not wish to have. Is it normal for something like this to occur? I love my partner more than anything. I would do anything for them. I cannot imagine someone making my partner happier. Is it possible that I am the right person for my partner, and they still battle these thoughts?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hello, my name is ***** ***** i thank you for writing to us. I am sorry you are suffering through this in your current relationship. In short, yes, it is definitely possible that your partner's OCD is causing them to have these thoughts but that you are in fact, the right person for them. OCD is a very tricky, manipulative disorder that can cause rampant overthinking including a focus on thoughts that we do not wish to have. It often takes someone's biggest worry and blows it up causing them to ruminate on things that are simply not congruent to what they actually believe. So the harder you partner tries to block these thoughts, the more forcefully they come on. it si a great sign he is seeing these thoughts as unwelcome and battling them by telling you they are not true.

With that being said, the treatment for OCD is often to allow these thoughts to come and go without giving them much credence. Observe that the thought exists, then recognize it is only a thought and does not necessarily mean anything. If he has not attempted professional support to treat the OCD, he should look into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and a more specific treatment called exposure response prevention (ERP). Both of these therapies can be hugely helpful in helping people overcome this obsessive form of thinking.

While it is hard to do, you must trust that your partner does love you and wishes to marry you despite the fact that his OCD is trying to trick him. "Fun, loving and happy" relationships as you describe yours are hard to come by and should not be easily let go of. You may wish to ask your partner to seek out the treatment before you make any lifelong commitments but please know that OCD can trick people into thinking many things and your partner is already seeking to overcome these tricks of his mind by telling you he does not wish to have thoughts about someone other than you and is committed to you. This is a very good sign.

Let me know if you have other questions,


Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What do you think could have caused such a thing to occur?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Do you mean caused the OCD to occur?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
They are now taking medicine for ocd and have met with both a phsycologis and a phsyciatrist. Along with these thoughts, they have faced unwanted violent thoughts, and sexual thoughts.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I would love to do a live conversation, out of no disrespect. Are you familiar with this sort of OCD, before I agree to a live chat.
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Great! I am glad he is taking a medicine and getting the right treatment. Medication coupled with support of a mental health professional through counseling is the best practice for treatment of OCD. The fact that he has other types of intrusive thoughts including violent ones or sexual ones is not surprising. OCD is a powerful condition and can impact a wide range of thinking and sometimes behaviors.

Unfortunately, i am not offering live conversations as of this time. I do have some experience and have been trained in the treatment of OCD and would be happy to continue answering your questions in this format. If a phone call is important to you, you can still request that service and another expert may reply.