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LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 645
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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I desperately need help. I have to make a decision. I am

Customer Question

I desperately need help. I have to make a decision. I am running out of money. I have all my money in my house. My entire family and I live within three miles from each other. I have just undergone surgeries for strangulations. I can't work yet. I am undergoing voice rest and rehab. My mother got mad and told me that she would only help pay the mortgage through December. She told me my fixer upper house is my inheritance. She said if I start working we'll see about the rest. I was recently the victim of an in solved crime. It was a hoax that someone named some extended family. I mentioned it to police then found out it was a scam. The extended family named started complaining to my mother to try and cheat me out of my inheritance. They even told my mother supposedly to never open the door or acknowledge me as a daughter again. There are supposedly only a few who have benefitted financially fr our estste over the past 20 years. Basically they are trying to bilk me out of a safe life. I need to mAke some decisions. 1st. Would you just sell your house to move away and put of earthquake country? I can get my money then. Basically., I can't afford to livre in California any more. I will have to leave my family or go rent a room. Second question would you sell your house riight awayove to a safer area near family and a state you can afford then catch up with your parents later who are 73? I am 49? What would you do? I am finishing my medical exams this month. I need to do some thing ASAP. I am 50 and unmarried. What do. You think. I keep trying to patch things up with time. But I haven't done any thing wrong. I just want to be close to my wealthy family like my sister has for 25 years. Who wants tone homeless and without family. I have no children. Help! Please do not post on Internet
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hi. thanks for writing to us. My name is***** am sorry you are this cross-roads and also to learn about your recent victimization. i hope you are healing physically and emotionally from, this scary thing. it does sound like you have a difficult decision to make. First, this is a public website so your question will be able to be seen by people via the internet depending on what they search. If you prefer not to proceed, you can email customer service to ask to have it removed.

To give you my opinion about your situation, because you state throughout your question that the financial support of your family is important and you currently have a home there, you may wish to consider staying close to them. Your suggestion about seeking a less expensive home in the area is certainly the most worthy of consideration if you are unlikely to be able to afford staying in your current house in the long-term. As your parents are in their 70's and continue to offer you support, seemingly beyond just financial, moving away form them would likely be a huge adjustment for you that you may find overwhelming. Also, should their needs increase with age, you may wish to be nearer to them to assist with things they may ask/need of you. I have known many adult children who have deeply regretted establishing life far from their aging parents as it creates dilemmas with travel, time, guilt, caregiver strain, etc. With that being said, one must always put their own needs first as we cannot be a good caregiver or support to others when our own basic needs are not met. There is also a thing in psychology referred to as the "geographical fix." it is a concept in psychology that people tend to believe that if they move, their problems will be resolved or will disappear. unfortunately, this rarely proves true as problems tend to follow individuals and moving tends to bring a new set of complications. So while moving out of necessity due to finances makes sense, moving far away to escape the woes of your current situation beyond finances may prove disappointing.

You also mentioned the prospect of working and that your mother has mentioned this as well. Working can bring so many positive things beyond just income. it can bring opportunities for socialization and relationships, a chance for growth, opportunities to be creative and use your mind, new challenges, added responsibilities, a routine schedule, etc. So if you do have the option to work, you may find great benefit to trying this before you decide moving is your best option.

I hope I have given you some things to think about as you weigh this decision. Please let me know you feedback and if you have any follow-up things to add.

Sincerely,

Leah

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have to move from my home. There is no option. I can't afford the mortgage. Also my parents say they can't afford to stay in this area either. So this is a dead end road. I need to sell while the market is good. Also, I am still young. I can still work. I can't get anyone to commit to the next state to go live. Would you just take off? I have to get going soon. Time is running out for me. I have to get all my money out. What would you do? Unstick and go live near your other family in another state?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

If you really don't have a choice, then yes. I would just pull the trigger and make the move. You cannot allow others hesitations to hold you back from pursuing your own viable future so if your parents don't want to come now, it may be hard but you may still need to go. Moving somewhere close to other family or people you know will make it a much easier transition. It is also worth considering moving to a place that has job opportunities. More rural places may be less expensive, but may not offer the same opportunities for jobs that larger places may offer as i agree that given your age, you can look forward to many years of successful employment.

If it is true that you are out of options and moving is your only choice, try to be positive. This could be a wonderful turning point in your life full of new opportunities and perhaps a brighter future. Try to start looking at if for that as opposed to a negative, and you will hopefully find it to be easier and more worthwhile.

-Leah

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am going to be very lonely. I hate to leave my family. But this house is a dead end road. I see nothing left but homeliness. I have to get my money. I am almost broke. I have to start a new life after being a violent crime victim. I am still in the house where I was strangled. I want out of there. Don't you think I should bolt ASAP. Crime experts say I have less than a one percent chance of survival there if I stay. I have to get out of here. See. What would you do?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.
Based on the things you have said in previous posts, it sounds like you know what you have to do and that is to leave. Not only is your basic need for syable hpusing on the libe, but so is ypur right to being safe in your own home. If the only issue regarding your home was that there was a trauma that occurred inside of it, I might offer you hope that with the proper support you could learn to live through this. But the issues are numerous and seem to be indicating that it might be best to go. I knowbit sounds aimple but a good pros and cons lust can really ve helpful wgen facing such an important decision. Get put a piece of paper and make one - you may be surprised what it indicates.In summary, from all you have told me, leaving that house may lead you to a fresh start but I hope you really think through where you will go as you certainly don't want to ditch one set of problems only to find yourself riddled with more.Again, no easy decision here....
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What happens if my family never speaks with me again after I cash out my home? My family will not tell me things about them. There are so many little secrets. I wish it could all end. I have been on medical disability for one and a half years. I had a vocal cord problem. It has been fixed. I want to move on with my life now. At least one person in my family is trying to make me look crazy. I have no history of being crazy. I am the only woman who moved cross country on her own and kaunch end a prestigious career in a very competitive industry with no connections all alone. I am very upset my family would try to hold me back and ruin my chances of a comeback. Help
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.
Hi, it sounds like you have a lot to think through and there is a lot at stake as well as a lot of history to consider. Have you ever considered entering into counseling with someone who can really help understand everything that is and has occurred so they can walk alongside you as you figure this out? I understand time is of the essence here, but meeting with someone even a couple times may help you think this through so you come to a conclusion you feel confident in. The risk of losing family is a huge decision but as I said before, basic security like stable housing is critical to your geberal ability to function and succeed.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
At least one person in my family is trying to make me look crazy. I have no history of being crazy. I am the only woman who moved cross country on her own and launch a prestigious career in a very competitive industry with no connections all alone. I am very upset my family would try to hold me back and ruin my chances of a comeback. Help. What I do about this issue?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.
I think you should confront the allegations head on. Explain to whoever is perpetuating lies about you that it is hurtful and you'd like them to stop. Then, keep family who understand you close and seek distance from family who are lying about you or not beig supportive. And, I encourage you to seek counseling because your questions warrant further exploration and a chance for you to get support with coping as with decisions.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It happened years ago. The crime remains unsolvable. The family needs to let it go. I need to move on with my life. It is very negative to focus on what happened years ago. Some of them may just want to divide upy assets or get me put of the family, a safe life and inheritance. It is a very frustrating experience as a crime victim trying to start over. My third attacker lives next door to me. I want to move ASAP. Wouldn't you? That is the biggest dilemma other than my $11 hundred dollars in the bank. What would you do to survive?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

If one of my attackers lived next door to me, yes, i would want to move. It would be difficult to put the past behind you with it literally living next door. Considering all you have explained and the viability of staying where you are from a financial aspect, I would sell that house, invest what you can to protect the money,seek to rent somewhere far less expensive, and pursue working asap. Time to start fresh for you and a new home with a new job may be a great way to get started.

I am not sure how people in your family will "get you out". I assume you have had conversations about your inheritance and the decision of what you get and when. If this is not concrete and written down somewhere, you may wish to ask if this can be solidified through a will or something as you are feeling like people are threatening this.

If I needed to survive, i'd start job hunting asap. And i agree that your family holding on to the past in regards ***** ***** is unfair. You should seek ton ignore this negative information and push forward with your own healing and future goals and plans regardless of how stuck they are..

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dear Leah,
If your parents gave you property today, would you sell the house immediately to get 100 percent of the proceeds in your name? It's in all three of our names now. This has some sentimental value. Besides that there is the small point my mother made with saying 'the house was my inheritance' we'll see about the rest when I start working. She did not indicate I would be cut off from the family will forever. Now would you take that house and sell it immediately to get the money 100 percent with the offer out there if you need to sell your house? My mother keeps wanting me to take this money for myself ASAP. My house needs to be sold. It is a fixer upper. I can't stay in it any longer. Would you take the money and move to a cheaper area or stick it out and grow old with your parents?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Personally, i'd hit the pavement hard to see if i could get a job that would allow me to ride it out for a little while longer. i wouldn't sell the house until i knew it was my last resort. If you cash out the house now and start living off of that money, it will dwindle quickly and you may kick yourself in the future when you need cash for your later years and for anything unexpected. So, heed your Mom's advice and seek to go back to work. there are so many benefits to working - you may find that a stable job with stable housing near family provides you all the comfort you need.

I do encourage you, however, to read through all your posts to me. They all make it seem like you are decided about selling the house. If this is really true, then follow your instinct and stop dragging out what you know must be done.

-Leah

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dear Leah,
If your parents gave you property today, would you sell the house immediately to get 100 percent of the proceeds in your name? It's in all three of our names now. This has some sentimental value. Besides that there is the small point my mother made with saying 'the house was my inheritance' we'll see about the rest when I start working. She did not indicate I would be cut off from the family will forever. Now would you take that house and sell it immediately to get the money 100 percent with the offer out there if you need to sell your house? My mother keeps wanting me to take this money for myself ASAP. My house needs to be sold. It is a fixer upper. I can't stay in it any longer. Would you take the money and move to a cheaper area or stick it out and grow old with your parents?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hello: So your last question posted twice but I dud provide my answer above.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I need to make a move as soon as possible. I am living next door to my strangler. He comes to my door. I have no money. It is all tied up in my house. I need to get it out of my property. Also, I need to get away from this killer. He is crazy. I want to get out of California and these crazy earthquakes too ASAP. I want to cash out my retirement ASAP. I am having a tough time finding the courage to do it. I will be vulnerable for takers. Also, I feel my parents should allow me to stay at our Florida beach house since it was original purchased with my beach house money 20 years ago some 250 thousand dollars worth the house was purchase at 1.25 million. Don't you think I own about 1/4th after all this time my sister and I?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hi: It really sounds like you have your mind made up and should just leave this home. If you have somewhere like a beach house in Florida to go to for a while, that is great. i am not sure about what your entitlement is in regards ***** ***** property. I do worry about your assets being vulnerable and suggest you meet with a financial planner who can help you look a little forward. Right now, your mindset is stuck in what you need immediately but you have many years ahead of you and need to be thoughtful about how you will live beyond finding a way out of this immediate situation.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am still unclear about what to do about my situation. I am cornered by my strangler. I have to get out of here. I have to sell my house. He has me in a deadlock. He is going to possibly kill me. I need help to get out of here. I have to get all the money from my house. I can't be cheated out of my money. I need to be empowered to find love. I can't lose my family. Some are trying to drive me crazy to steal my family. Please what would you do. Would you run then just keep in touch with your family through phone and mail if in earthquake country. Would you go to the safer home in Flirida. Likely my mother will not give us a key. Maybe she will. What Doyle you say to your mother to get her to see that you need parents and a family ( and not be released into the public at 49 as a homeless person).. I can tell you not even family's of convicted kil let's families dump their kids. I am a violent crime victim. I can't understand why they will not stand behind me. What would you say? Please give me your best answer. Thank you.
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hello: I would attempt to find stability through employment before making any major moves. I would seek a job near to my family so I did not become disconnected from them as I personally feel that living near family is important, especially as our parents get older, and considering you may need their support. mutual benefit to stay near them, in my opinion. I would also enter into counseling to help think this through as you have more to your story than can be understood through our limited dialogue.

As far as what to say to your family, just be honest. Tell them you feel like you are trapped being constantly confronted by your strangler. In a calm manner, help them understand things from your perspective. Explain to them your worst fears of losing them but also your worst fears of becoming homeless. Ask them for their support and guidance. Get concrete answers from them about what they will or will not provide. If necessary, ask for this in writing.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Some criminals have tried to bilk me out of my life savings. I have caught them in the act. I did not lose any money. I am upset about the lose of some respect within the family. Some of my family were involved too. I do not know what to do. It is a nightmare. I plan to sell my house and get out soon. I have to cash out due to an old house. My family all has newer homes. I am trying to pack. It is difficult with so little funds. The stress level is so high. Finding a job seems pointless due to my plan to move. I wish I saved more. This guy I see only wants to date once a week. What do you think about that? It seems like a con too. What do you think? He goes to Southern California every other weekend. He spends every other Thursday with me. It's very wierd. Some times we never go out in public. What what you do?
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 1 year ago.

Hello: I have tried to answer you original question to the best of my ability. It is evident you have a lot of stress and conflict and I strongly suggest you talk to a counselor as ongoing treatment is not a feature of the service. In regards ***** ***** boyfriend, you'll have to post a new question if you'd like advice on this new topic.

-Leah