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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 668
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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Am I a bad person? When I was 13/14, I had intercourse with my little cousin who was 7/8.

Customer Question

Am I a bad person? When I was 13/14, I had intercourse with my little cousin who was 7/8. This was not forced, i repeatedly asked her if she wanted me to stop and she answered no, and we both seemed to be enjoying it. I admit I knew this was wrong and shouldn't have been happening, I had many issues as a child, and possibly still do from my mother being an alcoholic and me being exposed to sex and seeing bad things with her and partners when she was drunk. I am carrying so much guilt thinking ive ruined my cousins life or made her unhappy and I am so worried my life could one day be completely taken from me. I am so sorry for this and almost killed myself immediately after it happened. I have been so depressed about it. Neither of us have spoken about it, we've been in each others presence at family gatherings etc and get along fine, but don't see each other almost ever now. I am very worried and carry so much shame. Please give me some advice.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.
Dear *****, my name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in New York State. No, dear man you are not a bad person. NO. Unfortunately you were exposed to and LEARNED some very painful, overwhelming lessons about inappropriate behavior and lack of appropriate boundaries with family members from your mother and her alcoholism. And what we have learned we can unlearn and learn new behaviors in our relationships. However, the fact that you are so distressed and ashamed about your sexual behavior with your cousin is a very good indicator that you are not pathologically damaged from your childhood. The shame though can become pathological if it is not dealt with professionally. A therapist would NEVER judge you for what happened when you were a child yourself. Please seek help and know that you can through a safe, clinical environment learn to forgive yourself and move forward from the shame and guilt you have. Please let me know if you have any other questions Adam. sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.
Dear *****, I must leave for about 90 minutes to have a session with a patient. I will check in as soon as I am finished to see if I can help you any further. Please know that for over 8 years I worked with adolescent males in an addictions treatment facility ages 13-19. many of our guys were there because of their self destructive behavior related to toxic shame they carried due to childhood sexual experiences they were not responsible for . You are not alone and you can heal from this. I look forward to hearing from you, Linda
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.
Dear *****, I just wanted to check in and let you know I am available if you would like to discuss your situation any further. If not, I want you to know I wish you the very best and would appreciate you taking a moment to rate my service to you. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much for your encouraging and positive response, I feel I can begin to move forward with my life. The main thing getting me down is the though of my cousin at some point revealing this to the family and the idea of police involvement. I suppose if it happens then i must get on with whatever God decides for me.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.
Adam, because of your age under 16 years old, you would not be in any legal trouble whatsoever. Please do not think that could happen. I understand that it is scary the thought of what someone in your family might think if they found out but then you would share openly and honestly like you did here about what happened/how you feel about it.Please work on forgiving yourself for something you did as a child and without adequate parenting. Take good care of yourself, Linda