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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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An incident happened a couple of years ago... and it still

Customer Question

An incident happened a couple of years ago... and it still bothers me today. A 5 year old boy pulled up my daughters dress who was 2 at the time to look at her panties. My daughter cried hysterically and couldn't tell me what happened. My four year old son told me what happened. He knew it was wrong. The boy that did this is my sisters best friends son... and is siding with her saying "boys will be boys." I am so upset that she doesn't see the harm in it. When it happened she "hushed" me from saying anything. I never want my daughter to go over there because apparently this is "nornal". This happened to me when I was in the 1st grade and I still remember it. It's my job as a parent to protect my daughter, but if they don't see that it was wrong and the friend never apologized... how can I allow my daughter to go over to her house again when that boy will always be there. Is this normal behavior of boys? And if it's okay for my daughter to get hurt in their curiosity?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I can understand your distress over this situation regarding your daughter. To answer your first question, this is a normal part of childhood sexual are a few links if you want to check them out:

Now even though this would not be considered abnormal behavior, that also does not make it right either and the parents of this young boy should do their best to correct it and reinforce that it is not socially acceptable behavior. Usually once a parent corrects their child not to engage in this type of behavior the child will respond positively. Now to answer your second questions; it sounds like these parents just dismissed their child's behavior outright without an apology or even trying to correct him. Like I said before while this is not abnormal and commonly seen in children his age, that does not make it right and a correction of behavior should be mandated as that is best for the child. I cannot say if they are okay with your daughter getting hurt, but it seems like they are not recognizing the impact of this behavior and why it needs to be corrected and that starts with at least a sincere apology to show empathy. Even if the child did not mean to hurt your daughter, it was still wrong and he needs to be told that or he will continue this behavior which lead to more serious problems down the road when he reaches adolescence and adulthood.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have 2 older boys and they have never done this to their sister. It is hard for me to believe that it is NORMAL at the expense of my baby girl. And yeah... I'll never receive an apology. All I got was "I'm sorry you feel this way." How can I allow my daughter be around boys that could do this to her again...and possibly ruin her later in life?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I understand that your two boys have never acted this way before, but that is only 2 boys out all the boys on the planet and like I said behavior like this is not considered abnormal as it has been observed in a significant population of young children. You do not have to allow your daughter to be around these young boys if they will continue the behavior as that is called bullying due to its repetitive nature. As I stated before this is not abnormal behavior, but it does not mean it is right and that is why it should be corrected by their parents. Just physical aggression is normal among young boys, the behavior needs to be corrected to be socially acceptable.