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Ask Linda D. Your Own Question
Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 669
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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I need some help. I find myself quite lonely and mostly have

Customer Question

Hello, I need some help. I find myself quite lonely and mostly have developed relationships online with people that I haven't met face to face. I feel like nothing that I do is right, like a bother, a bad person and like I constantly need to be reassured. I am an Epileptic in reality, but have also created stories when I've felt alone or had a fight with someone I care about to get sympathy or attention or play the victim. It makes me feel awful, even though I know that I have the best intentions. Can you help?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Hi there, my name is ***** ***** i am a licensed psychotherapist in NYS. Thank you for using Just Answer, I am here to help you. Can you tell me a little more about yourself? You seem to have a lot of insight into yourself. Are you in therapy? Do you have family members you are close to? Do you work? Do you have any hobbies or interests? Thank you so much, I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Linda

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Linda,I'm not in therapy, I'm just a constant thinker and constant worrier and am not comfortable with how I've been feeling. I have my mother and father who I'm close to in proximity, though it's not exactly a supportive relationship or people that I'm able to talk to without judgement. I do work in an office setting, full time. For hobbies and interests, I don't really do a lot. I do enjoy writing fiction and fantasy and have used it as an escape for the past five years, give or take. Outside of that, I don't really have anything in particular that I do. Most of my life consists of work, and spending time by myself. I don't really have any friends, outside of people that I've met via the internet from my writing ventures and portraying different characters. I hope that's sufficient.Thanks.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Yes, thank you. I am going to rely on you for information just a little bit more if I can. Why do YOU think you struggle with not having a fuller life that you are more satisfied with and if you could create the life that you would want to wake up to tomorrow.....what would that look like. Thanks again, Linda

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

We therapists DO ask a lot of questions, but your information will help me to understand who you are and where you currently are in your life, so that my response is specifically about you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't really know. I feel like I have a tendency to let the way other people view me be how I view myself. I feel guilty and overwhelmed with a lot of things, and feel quite disposable and forgettable. It's hard when you can go days at a time without speaking to anyone other than the people that you see at work. If I could create a life to wake up to, I would just want to be happy. I'd want to have someone to share my life with, someone that looked at me the way that I looked at them instead of making me feel worse about myself, I'd be healthy, sleep normally, not feel the need to create stories for sympathy or to try and get someone to love me. I'd just be a regular person.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

This all makes perfect sense, and you have expressed yourself really well. I must meet with a patient now for the next 90 minutes. I apologize for the interruption in our communication, but I will be back to communicate my thoughts and suggestions as soon as I can. Is that okay with you? Linda

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
that's fine.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

thank you!

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

What you are describing as the type of life you want to live is healthy and certainly attainable. However, there are usually several things that can prevent us from attaining fulfilling relationships and a meaningful life. First, is the family of origin that we come from, our primary relationships. If we were raised with judgmental, controlling or negative family members we will internalize this emotional energy as a child and carry it into our adulthood. As a family therapist I often see adult children who were not given the support, respect, validation and nurturance they needed growing up. Instead they had parents who may have been emotionally distant, judgmental, too demanding, etc. This type of family environment can create an adult who worries about doing things right, or who worries about what others think about her instead of getting gratification from what you think about yourself. An adult who never feels like she is good enough, or thinks others won't like her or love her, or doesn't have a sense of her own self worth. Does this make sense to you or sound at all like something you may have experienced? I am going to write some other factors that may be responsible for how you are feeling. And btw, thank you so much for being patient with me this afternoon, I ended up having one of my young clients go into crisis unexpectedly this afternoon and I needed to spend time with her and her family.

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Another variable is negative thoughts themselves can greatly influence our quality of life. I am going to attach a tool to this text that will help you to stop your negative thought patterns. It asks you to be mindful of what you are feeling and then how that feeling drives a negative thought. For example: I feel lonely..........that makes me think I am stupid and ugly and no one would ever want to be my friend. Next it asks you to do a little work and instead of just accepting the negative thought, to examine the truth or evidence that backs that thought. This is a really important step for you. You named many negative things that you believe about yourself, however, have you ever really examined those beliefs to test whether or not they are actually true??? Most people stop at just the negative thought. Next, you replace the original negative thought with a new one............... this is where you take control over your own thought patterns and start to create change. So....... I feel lonely. Instead of I am ugly and stupid and no one wants to be friends with can change that thought to..........I can bake some cookies for my cooworkers to bring into work tomorrow. (relationship building). or I can sign up for that writing class at the community center. the possible feelings attached to these statements are much more life affirming and positive. You can start using this thought record as soon as possible for 7 days and evaluate yourself if you do not see an improvement in how you feel and what you do with those feelings. and finally I will send you one more text with another suggestion of what you can do that may help.....

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

And then finally there is also the possibility that you are dealing with untreated depression that is making it difficult to feel good feelings, have good thoughts or be motivated to try new things. I have attached a checklist that I like to use with my clients. Having a relationship with a therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be very effective to help you change your negative thought patterns and change behaviors. The tool I sent you in the previous text is a tool used in CBT. A therapist can also help you evaluate if you may be dealing with depression or anxiety and help you to treat that. The therapist can also help with family of origin issues. Whew! I have explained a lot here, but I wanted to give you some of my top ideas and thoughts of what can help you. I also, like I said earlier, really appreciate your kindness in being patient today. Please let me know if these suggestions are helpful to you and if you have any more questions for me. I am here for you. Sincerely, Linda

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Sorry, I just realized I forgot to attach this checklist. Hope you have a good night. I would truly appreciate it if you would take a moment to rate my service to you today. If you have no further questions, I want you to know I wish you all the best, Linda

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Hello there, i am hoping that the information i shared with you this week makes sense to you and is helpful. Do you have any other questions that I can help you with? Linda