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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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I have a girlfriend after 1 year and 3 months we broke it

Customer Question

i have a girlfriend after 1 year and 3 months we broke it off due to religion, we had no contact for 4 months then got back together. during the 4 months i made a friend which was a girl. she was just a friend we just use to talk. after me and my girlfriend got back with each other she asked me did i make new friends i said no , i said this because i did not want to hurt her. i was on social media while i was with her she seen her name and asked who is she? i said shes my best friends friend we all hung out( lied again) she believed me and i told her i wouldn't lie to her again. I know i should of told her the truth their and then. but then i was spending time with her again and this girl messaged me and she asked me who it was i said it was no one. we had a big fight yes i lied again. she told me she cant trust me anymore. i know what i did was wrong and i know i hurt her. but i need to earn her trust again. how do i do it? how long does it take? . i did say sorry.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are having this issue with your ex-girlfriend, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately rebuilding trust is not something that can be measured, which means there is no step by step manual on how to do it and there is no time frame that is associated with rebuilding trust. What you have to do is be completely transparent with her, show by your actions not your words, that you are being honest and forthcoming to her. Judging by your ex-girlfriends history with you and others, her issues surrounding mistrust and lying, it could take anywhere from a few months to indefinitely for her to fully trust you again. The choice to trust you is 100 percent on her, not on you, so she has to make the decision to trust you...all you can do in this time is show her that you are being true and transparent, what she does with that is entirely on her, not on you.

As for why she wants to remain friends with you, I cannot read her mind, so I can only speculate. It is possible that she wants to trust you again, but she wants to see what kind of effort you are going to make to earn back her trust and given that she wants you to have some relationship with her religion could mean that she is going to let faith/divine intervention "tell" her if she should trust you or not. Again, I am only speculating as I have never spoken to her nor met her.