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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My 2 sons are so different. One is loving and kind, the

Customer Question

My 2 sons are so different. One is loving and kind, the other son doesn't want ANYTHING to do with me. Their now 48 and 50 years old. I thought I had done a great job in being a mom. We had a lot of good and happy times together even though I divorced their Dad when they were young...drinking, cheating and lying. Few years later he committed suicide.
When my youngest turned 25 and went thru a divorce himself that's when I noticed a change in him. He got a girl pregnant and came to me asking for my help in getting out of it. She gave birth to twins and I found out thru DNA they were his. To this day he has never had anything to do with them and now they are 23. Soon after he got the girl pregnant who had twins he started cheating on her and they broke up. Soon thereafter he married a woman who is almost my age. I always wondered what happened in our relationship that made him turn away from me. I've called for years and left messages, gone to their house and they won't answer the door and only on a few occasions we have run into each other in public and he tries to ignore me or is down right mean and nasty to me, especially his wife. I have had years of his anger and denial and I am hurt beyond belief. My other son says the stories he tells it is like he was raised with different parents. I recently met my grandkids for the first time and they seem wonderful. They would like to meet their Dad but I had to be honest with them and tell them that we haven't had a relationship since they were born. I wanted to meet them when they were young but their mother married and they were adopted by her new husband and had a different last name than hers. I had no way in ever finding them. If I knew then what I know now that my son and I would never have a relationship I think I would have done a lot of things differently and would have had contact or an active role in their lives.
I talked with the twins mother last night for the first time ever and she told me some very disturbing things. She told me about my son cheating on her while she was pregnant, cheating at work and his lying. He told her I was not a good mother, how I was irresponsible parent, me lying and cheating, etc. I was shocked to say the least, because anyone who knows me knows that is not the truth.
What I am trying to say is that right after he left the woman who had his children, he married and she won't have anything to do with me either. I can only guess he told her the same lies. His wife recently sent me a letter stating how I was not a good mother and she has found out I now have met his twins. She says if I ever see them again they want me to go to hell and want nothing to do with me. (I haven't had a relationship with them for 23 years anyway). She also stated in her letter to me that the only thing they want is my money and that they hope I give it all to them!!! What's up with these people?
So I thought in the last 23 years that my daughter-in-law just didn't like me for whatever reason and that my son apparently didn't have a mind of his own. Now the truth has all come out and I find out it was my son who told her lies about me, was deceitful to her.
Do you think he got somewhat of an unhealthy attitude toward me because of mine and his Dad's divorce years ago or his Dad's suicide or the fact he ask me for help in getting out of the responsibility of paying child support. Where did all this hatred come from, his anger? How did I raise two sons who have an entirely different view in how they were raised?
I am beyond HURT. Don't even know how to handle this now. Should I write him a letter and tell him how he has lied about me? I feel like I want to disown him. He is not the son I raised. How could a grown man
change like this? He's told everyone he was close to his Dad, but wasn't. He tells things that are unbelievable and probably lies so much he even believes them himself. I need some understanding from an expert but I think my relationship with my son is beyond repair. Guess I'll go to my grave wondering how did the he.... did this happen?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.


Welcome to the site.

I am sorry to learn about your predicament and empathise with you greatly since no parent should have to deal with the emotional coldness of her son the way you have to endure the same all these years.

It is quite apparent that your son must have held personal grudge against you for reasons best known to him and those for you to speculate.

I would like to ask you that do you feel his personality traits have been very similar to his father's ?

I shall get back to you once you reply to this question.