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Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4635
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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My fiancé is texting and talking to her kids dad more than

Customer Question

My fiancé is texting and talking to her kids dad more than kids related stuff. In the beginning of our relationship she was only talking or texting him just about the kid but now 1.5 year later she is talking to him about her work and how she felt about the past and her feelings about their past and sometimes they go on a lunch date (according to her it's just for the kid). I talked to her about how I feel about this person. He is manipulative and a player.
The reason I can't stand this looser is bc when her kid was 8 months old one day he changed the lock and kicked her out with the 8 months old baby. She was homeless for 3 weeks (she was living in her car with her baby) and now after 3 years he is trying to get close to her by texting her I love you I miss you and using the kid to see her and talk to her.
What bother me the most is that she delete his "sweet" text messages that he send and she reply back.
I asked her if their is any thing she wants to tell about her ex and about their sweet conversation she no their is nothing at all.
After I told her I know about it she got very uncomfortable and said she deleted them bc she didn't want me to see the txt and get upset about.
We are in the middle of planing our wedding and now I see this red flags.
(She goes out of her way to please him...for example if he needs a ride to work or she would call and make a doctor app for him bc he had a cold)
Is this normal?
Why would she care so much about the person that made her and their baby homeless?
I fell like she is disrespecting me by allowing him to flirt with her and makes me angry that after all he did to her and their kid she is still trying to keep him happy.
How should I handle this situation?
Please advice
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry about the grammar errors! :)
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.


Welcome to the site.

I am sorry to learn about your situation and I empathise with you.

It seems like your girlfriend has been getting drawn once again towards her ex owing to his sweet talking and gesturing demeanor but more so because a prospective or potential reconciliation may bring her child love and stable environment with both parents being around, this must be her core incentive for responding to her exe's recent advances as she probably has begun to eye a future where she could have biological father of her child with her to share the child's responsibilities together.

I know this must be really hard to digest but this sort of scenario is currently palpable and it would be gross injustice done to you if tomorrow she breaks up with you citing the same very reasons as told mentioned in here.

Yes there is no doubt about the fact that you are being taken for granted and being mistreated and disrespected as you are not being told the truth about her future plan of action. From what it is apparent right now you may get a rude shock in the form of a break up if things conti.nue to blossom between the two of them.

So it is my request to you to get your act together and try to call a spade a spade meaning that you confront her and ask her directly whom she would like to spend her life with as she seems to be in dilemma right now and if at the eleventh hour at the ime of marriage she gets cold feet owing to her present confusion then it would be a devastating experience for you and it may break your heart.

So please do not waste any time and get the matter sorted by earliest. If she tells you that she would want to end the relationship with you then please take no offence and let her go since anyways she would not be entirely yours if her heart lies with someone else.

I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best.

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