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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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A former friend of mine with BPD, is now trying to

Customer Question

A former friend of mine with BPD, is now trying to foster relationships with current acquaintances/friends of mine. If history repeats itself, she's probably already feeding them with lies about me. How can I warn them or let them know not to believe what she says?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. The best thing for you to do would be to use examples of her behavior towards others in the past and how it was problematic. Also if you have mutual friends of this former friend and you, than you should try to invite him/her with your current friends and then most likely a conversation will start about this former friend and hopefully it will turn negative. Also another tactic is to plan outings with your friends that engaging and fun, as this would help them to be closer and more attached to you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I had others try to warn me before I became friends with the BPD, but I didn't listen. I worry these mutual acquaintances will do the same if I try to warn them. I also worry they will hear negative things she says about me and believe these things instead of asking me so I can refute them. I worry that bringing it up before they do will just make it worse (and possibly cause BPD to retaliate).
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

You cannot stop them from making a choice or from listening to what others have to say about you as that is beyond your realm of control. You can only control how you behave and act with them. What they decide to do is on them, just try to continue being yourself and maybe employ some of the tactics I mentioned above.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Is there an appropriate way to confront the BPD when I hear examples of her spreading lies about me?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

There is no appropriate way, it is just a trial and error approach in how you confront the person. BPD individuals do not have a manual that tell others how to behave around them, they are mostly unpredictable.