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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Penny, I don't know what to do. I'm in a relationship with a

Customer Question

Hi Penny,
I don't know what to do. I'm in a relationship with a great guy but I am picking fights with him when he says things I don't like. I will go crazy and begin swearing at him, which normally I understand is not acceptable and should not be tolerated in a relationship. I know I need behavioural therapy because I am not sure why I am like this or how I can stop myself from being like this. I don't cut him nearly enough slack and I have been known to go off at him or start crying when he makes a joke and teases me lightly. I had a not so great childhood due to being bullied a lot in school so I know why I react this way when he jokingly teases me but I just want to stop causing fights with him. I know he is getting fed up. I am getting fed up too. It's like if I'm even the slightest bit unhappy I will say something in a tone that he mistakes for being mean and then he gets upset and says he will stop talking to me and then I will mishear him and start screaming at him and tonig
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. May I ask, for how long has this behavior been occurring for? You state that you know you need therapy, will you be attending psychotherapy sessions soon? May I ask, what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It happened in a previous relationship that lasted over 2 years. Towards the end of that relationship I stopped behaving irrationally, it has been going on in my new relationship for the majority of it, which is 8 months now. I know I need therapy but am afraid my boyfriend won't understand as he has done therapy for depression before and swears it does not work.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well I cannot say why therapy did not work for your boyfriend, but if you think you need therapy and believe it has a good chance in helping you to gain better control of your behavior/emotions than I would recommend you start to attend either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) sessions. Maybe therapy did not work for your boyfriend because either he did not put the effort and had a negative view of therapy from the beginning or he had a resistant type of depression that only responded to medications. Either way you cannot let his past experiences with therapy deter your need for such therapy. Also you are not left with much options...if he does not approve of therapy and you decide not to attend therapy than your behavior is only going to continue and that will lead to a break-up. So if you attend therapy and it helps to improve your behavior than you and your boyfriend can move forward in the relationship. Overall it appears that therapy is your best chance to control your behavior rather than doing nothing.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just can't continue to live like this and treat him this way. I know I need therapy but I have also tried it before and felt like the therapist wasn't the right fit for me and made me cry and feel ashamed for thinking a certain way. I know if I keep on going like this then I will lose him. Already I feel as though he would be much better off if I just broke it off. But I don't want to do that. I want to work on things so we can stay together.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Then you need to enter into therapy, but with a different therapist that you feel is a better fit. Also you may want to consider discussing this case with a psychiatrist for medication management as that may help too in addition to therapy.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am more than happy to do therapy but I will not do any medications. They just don't work for me and I have tried so many of them now that I would rather just manage my behaviour with therapy.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

That is understandable, it was only a suggestion. Then if you want to do only therapy I would still recommend the CBT and DBT therapy modalities for you as they are the most effective to help you control your behavior and emotions.