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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I was cheated on by my husband a year back in 2014. I still

Customer Question

I was cheated on by my husband for about a year back in 2014. I still struggle with sadness, fits of anger and distrust everyday. We are still together but it is not a healthy situation. He shows no emotion and rarely tries to comfort me. On the other hand, I blow up in anger and bring up the affair often and I often feel he may be messing around agsin . I hate myself for angry I am and I resent that he shows no emotion toward much of anything. Looking for advice.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for using just answer. I am sorry you are having this issue with your husband. May I ask when you say you had some counseling how long were you in therapy for? Was it just you or did the counseling include your husband as well? Was the counseling effective? Lastly why do you feel he may be cheating again and what response does he give for his lack of emotion?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I was in counseling on my own during the affair and it did help me cope about 4months. After, he went with me once but was not very open to it. He feels like I just need to move on. It does not seem to bother him at all. I feel he is sneaky with his phone and sometimes seems withdrawn. Like he was during the affair. I yearn from love from him but he just doesn't show it much, but, I have to admit I am hard to love when I get so angry. He just has no comment or reaction to anything I say.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry to hear that you both are in this situation. Truthfully I would recommend more long term couples therapy for both of you to help you both communicate more effectively, express your feelings more openly, and to help you both move forward. In addition, both of you appear to be focused on the past which causes this anger and his apathy, but you cannot change the past. Instead try to focus on the here and now and try to plan date nights with your husband doing things you both do not often do or have never done, but are interested in. This can be going to a show, museum, cooking clas, etc... The point here is to create novel memories to help you both reconnect and move forward, but it will be a long term process as you will not get part the affair over night and his apathy will not stop over night

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What is the best way to deal with my anger and "triggers" that bring bad memories rushing back?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well I would recommend as a short term solution that you can look into relaxation exercises like Progressive Muscle Relaxation or Deep Breathing which can be very helpful in maintaining your inner calm and not allowing the anger to overwhelm you. But for long term treatment, therapy is going to be your best bet to focus on the here and now, and not the past.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns as I would be happy to continue assisting you regarding this issue.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I hope this helps to provide you some guidance on this issue.

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