Mental Health

Have mental health questions? Ask a psychiatrist online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I am very conflicted over a relationship issue right now. I…

Customer Question
I am very conflicted over...
I am very conflicted over a relationship issue right now. I am a 20 year old gay man who is in a long distance relationship with my partner (not really that long distance - I live in Philadelphia, he lives in New York.) My partner is a partier, which I am fine with. However we are in a closed relationship and to me it feels like sometimes he has trouble putting his foot down when other guys are being overly flirtatious. He has trouble distinguishing the line between friendly activity and provocative activity. Today he called me up to talk about the night out he had last night with his friend. His best friend I trust and he is a really great guy, but he apparently brought a pair of his friends along (who were also in a closed relationship) who my boyfriend had never met before. They all went out to a club to dance and party. Apparently at one point during the night one of the acquaintances started dancing with my boyfriend extremely provocatively so much so that his best friend replied afterwards "so you guys just f**ked on the dancefloor." My boyfriend told me the story in a lighthearted manner and didn't expect me to be upset. He thought that it was all in good fun and kept trying to reassure me that he didn't feel anything for the guy and that it was just dancing. But he also made a remark that it was a lot of fun and that I would never dance with him like that and that it had been awhile since he danced with someone like that. Hes made a similar comment before about us being long distance and me being 20 years old and not able to go into a club with him. He said that he isnt able to have a good time at the club because i cant be there to dance with him. Now it just feels like hes given up on that and decided that hes going to have fun whether or not im uncomfortable with the situation. He also kept pointing out that he didnt want to offend the guy or alienate his friend by seeming boring and tied down. He also kept pointing out that the lines were blurred and that the other guy is also in a committed relationship and the other guys partner was fine with it, so I was overreacting because he wasn't really flirting with my boyfriend. Now he wants me to hang out with them next week while visiting. I am.very conflicted about this situation. Am I being too much of a stiff? Do I need to lighten up and take it for what it was? I'm afraid I'll lose him if I don't and that's the last thing I want because I really love him. I know he really loves me too and he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me but I can't help but feel confused and hurt by this situation. If anyone can help me sort out this situation it would be a really big help.
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 6 minutes by:
2/10/2016
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Verified

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am sorry that you are having this difficulty with your partner, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. It sounds like you and your partner have different definitions of what is fun and what is considered acceptable boundaries in a relationship. While your partner is the "partier," you may be more mellow, which is why you may be attracted to your partner because he provides a different dimension to your life than what you are used to. I do not think either of you are wrong since your behavior is determined by personal preference, but I do feel you both need to communicate and get on the same page on what is acceptable and what is not in this relationship. If you both work on a compromise on what he can and cannot do without you, and with you the same, than maybe you both will come to some understanding and help move the relationship forward. Like I said, I do not think your reaction is necessarily wrong, but more it is just different than what your partner considers normal. Do you think he would be open to compromising a bit on your concerns so that he can still have a good time with his friends, but not necessarily cross any boundaries (e.g. fu**ing on the dance floor)?

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

I hope this helps to provide you some guidance on this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Was this answer helpful?
Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
10,643 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.

Dr. Z is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I have severe health anxiety and now I'm scared I have
I have severe health anxiety and now I'm scared I have schizophrenia although I'm not having hallucinations or anything I started reading about it and feel like my anxiety has been way worst ever sinc… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
I have two questions. I am a gay male and I believe that I
I am a gay male and I believe that I was born gay. My mother told me that I would not kiss females when I was a baby. I would gladly kiss males. I also started kissing guys That I remember when I was three. I continued doing this until the 6th grade. I heard my older male relatives talking about gay people when I was 5 and told my mother I was gay. She thought I was a little boy who just didn't like girls and that puberty would fix it. That wasn't the case. I am a k6, I took the test. Why did I know so early and why do some gay males not know until they are in high school or college? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
Can you take zanax, zoloft, together. Never. Insomnia. I
can you take zanax, zoloft, together JA: Have you taken Zoloft or anything similar before? Customer: never JA: How have you been sleeping? Any insomnia or other issues? Customer: yes insomnia JA: Anyt… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Anxiety treated fir 4 years, I had a brief few months where
anxiety treated fir 4 years, I had a brief few months where it left me and I took my grand son to Myrtle Beach and ent to Montreal for a vacation. A year ago in April I was seen for Parkinson Disease … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have hocd. I have and they tested me negative for
I have and they tested me negative for traditional ocd … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
I am wanting to take care of my 73 mom whom has Lupus, CHF,
I am wanting to take care of my 73 mom whom has Lupus, CHF, ESRD, COPD . We discussed her staying with me permanently and at one point we talked about her initially visiting and she would leave clothe… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
19 satisfied customers
I have what I can only imagine is a dissociative disorder. I
I have what I can only imagine is a dissociative disorder. I was badly sexually and physically abused for my entire childhood. I have a lot of suppressed memories, that have somewhat come up in nightm… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
19 satisfied customers
I'm interested in online therapy on a regular ongoing basis.
Hi I'm interested in online therapy on a regular ongoing basis … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
Can you have PTSD from emotional abuse. About 16 just yes
Can you have PTSD from emotional abuse JA: When did the PTSD start? Have you used any medication for this? Customer: About 16 just yes for depression JA: How have you been sleeping? Any insomnia or ot… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
My fiancée needs a psychiatrist in Lincolnton to get his
My fiancée needs a psychiatrist in Lincolnton to get his meds and counseling. His psychiatrist is in Gastonia and it's almist impossible to get him there because the family works days only. Please let… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
I am torn apart and keep crying as I can't make up my mind.
I am torn apart and keep crying as I can't make up my mind. My almost 11-year old dog (my heart dog) has advanced cancer and I am at the stage of pre-grieving, giving her love and foods she loves. I c… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
I need help i have lost my sex drive do to menapose can you
my name is ***** ***** need help i have lost my sex drive do to menapose can you help i am afraid i am going to lose my man friend. … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
I don't know what to do as far as not getting more stressed
I don't know what to do as far as not getting more stressed out and keeping it together for my own sanity and my family's. There has been so much going on in my life in the last 2 years that is hard t… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
19 satisfied customers
I spoke to you a while ago about my mom having a hard time
Hi i spoke to you a while ago about my mom having a hard time with my dad passing. I am still having a hard time dealing with her grief. She is not getting through it very well and it seems to be gett… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
I'm currently in a bit of an odd situation with a guy who
Hi there, I'm currently in a bit of an odd situation with a guy who was diagnosed with ADHD around 2 years ago. We're both 40 years old. As this is partly related to a mental health condition, I wasn'… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
I am 40 years old, married for 7 years, with 2 kids (4 and 5
hi! i am 40 years old , married for 7 years, with 2 kids (4 and 5 years old). before we got married i was sexually active with my husband, until i gave birth to my 1st child..and i experienced postpar… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
430 satisfied customers
Here, I think I may have had PTSD since caring for my 2
Hi, Sharon here, I think I may have had PTSD since caring for my 2 aging parents as they died. I felt my world was gone, also my own self. This was in 2003 and I still suffer. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
I am 52.My Mum is 83.I have lived with her for about 7years.
I am 52.My Mum is 83.I have lived with her for about 7years. I have a mental illness called borderline personality disorder. I am on medication and take 50 to 100mg of Seroquel and Cymbalta 60mg. Rece… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
1,049 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x