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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My name is ***** *****. My wife just told me this weekend

Customer Question

My name is ***** *****. My wife just told me this weekend that she is not happy and does not think that she wants to stay married. She says that she still loves me but she says that she has not been happy for about six months now. This is the first time anything has been said. I asked her what I had done or not done that has made her so unhappy. She could not tell me specifically anything except that she felt that we do not have communicate well. I am absolutely devastated.
JA: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?
Customer: I had sensed that something was going on because my wife has been really quite lately. I have asked her before if something was bothering her and she said no, but this time she said that we needed to talk and she proceeded to tell me what I stated above.
JA: OK got it. Last thing — Mental Health Professionals generally expect a deposit of about $18 to help with your type of question (you only pay if satisfied). Now I'm going to take you to a page to place a secure deposit with JustAnswer. Don't worry, this chat is saved. After that, we will finish helping you.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. May I ask, what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation? Has the option of couple’s therapy been discussed?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How do I deal with the situation? This was a total surprise to me. I mentioned marriage counseling but she did not say yes or no. I am just having a really hard time accepting this and understanding what happened. We have been together for five years and very rarely have an argument and intimacy is really good. I am very confused.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I understand that this is definitely a shock to you given that you did not fully know what your wife has been thinking and feeling for quite some time as she has been distant and quiet with you. You cannot look at this situation as something you need to fix alone, but it is going to be a process you both go through together to try to find the cause of her feeling unhappy and how to resolve this matter. I believe you need to continue to propose marriage counseling to your wife and not as a way to make her happy again in the marriage, but as a way to get answers to why she is feeling this way specifically and to see if there is a way to resolve these issues so that you both can communicate more effectively and can move forward from this. Try not to focus on the past or what you could have done differently as that is not fair to you, but instead focus on moving forward and trying to come up with solutions that you and she can do together to try to save this marriage. But again it is not up to you to do this alone as you both are a team, so you both will have to work together to make this marriage work and to improve the communication between you two. It also sounds like you believe your wife either may be holding back some of the issues that make her unhappy or just does not know fully why she is unhappy and couples counseling will help in this area to bring everything to light so that you both can work together. This is how I would recommend you "deal" with the situation by trying to move forward together and looking for ways to help lessen the disconnect between you two, but therapy is a process so it will take time for the both of you.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.