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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1378
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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I gave custody of my son too s father at 3 years old,

Customer Question

I gave custody of my son too his father at 3 years old, because his father was a millionaire and could provide better for him, but I never missed one weekend or summer with him for 20 years. I moved out of state when he was 20 years old. Now after all these years he is angry with me and said I left him and has not spoke to me in 5 months. How canI get him to talk to me and is this the reason, how come it took this long before this came out
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry for your situation with your son, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately I cannot read your son's mind so I do not know if this is why he believes you "left" him and why he has come out now to mention this. Only your son has that information and only he can disclose it to you.

And also because he will not talk to you, that is his choice alone, so that means he alone must make the choice to re-establish contact with you. You cannot get him to talk to you, as only he has control of that. Just like you are the only one in control of your actions and behaviors, he is the only one in control of his actions and behaviors as well, which means only he can choose to contact you again. I would recommend sending him another email or letter expressing sorrow about this situation and that you would hope he would want to talk things out with you, but that you understand he needs time and space. Then you want to mention to him that you will always be here day or night when he is ready to talk. After that I would recommend not communicating with him except on Birthday and Christmas where you can send a card expressing your well wishes. I know this is hard, but you have to allow him the space that he wants and he is the only one that can re-establish contact with you. If you continue to push this issue than you will only push him away more, so right now you have to be patient and hope that he will contact you in the near future.