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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 668
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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Wondering in a relationship, when you meet a female, she

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Wondering in a relationship, when you meet a female, she says she loves you and are perfect, then says she's broken and says she an sex addict and doesn't trust herself, then dumps me. Soon she comes out of the closet, but begins a life of bouncing back and forth not finding the love she is searching, meanwhile I was ready to give her the love.she said she care about me so much, she had to let me got worst because I lost my job because a married coworker got her drunk at a work party and was all over her, I stepped in and told him to back off, asked if she was ok. He used this to climb the cooperate ladder over me and said I threatened him, but it was a lie. So the company soon released me, I was devastated but a year later the HR and the supervisor that fired me got fired, so it showed something was wrong, but why did she play along with it? And why did she not understand I was just making sure she was ok, especially after she spilled her guts out during our relationship how she has been blacked out and been taken advantage of. If she didn't care for me, why did she tell me all the bad things that happened to her? I'm just confused how a person can come out as being gay, then be straight, continuing to hurt themselves with unstable relationship, meanwhile I feel like the biggest loser, because I wasn't good enough. HAve you experienced this situation? I'm just wondering if this is typical with women like her, I just still feel like I wasn't good enough. Trying hard to let it go.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Dear Jeremy, I am a psychotherapist in New York that also has a specialty in addiction. I am also part of a group of therapists who specialize in sex addiction. I have a private practice and am going to see a client in a few minutes but I would like to see if I can help you with this. i am going to send you my thoughts in about 90 minutes and we can begin to discuss this together. Thank you for being patient. Sincerely, Linda

Expert:  Linda D. replied 1 year ago.

Dear Jeremy, it can be very difficult to be involved with a person who is in active addiction. The emotional, mental and physical pull of the addict to the addiction ( in this case sex, love relationships) becomes the number one priority in the addicts life. The people they care about, their jobs, their integrity, finances all take a back seat. Their lives often look unmanageable and chaotic. And this is the hard part for a person who loves the addict, there is absolutely nothing another person can do to change their behavior or choices. The addict is self centered and must take responsibility for their own actions and lives.You are not a loser Jeremy because you care about this person, but you need to understand that her addiction is allowing her to hurt you and hurt herself and that is terrible. Her behavior is predictable given her disclosure to you that she is a sex addict. The addiction is in control and until she decides to get help her behavior will not change. Have you thought about getting help yourself to understand why you are attracted to her? Often times our adult relationships mirror the relationships we were in when we were younger and not in control of the people in our lives. There are also some good books I could recommend for you to read that may help you. Linda

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