Thanks for your reply.
I think the longer version of my story is required now.
History and facts:
1. As child I was highly gifted, suppose am still now.
2. Spent a lot of time at universities to e studied and for IQ tests.
3. Mother treated me as a trophee and father, medical doctor, never was home.
4. I was praised for accomplishments and never allowed an own opinion or personality, e.g. had a love for flying from very young age, started pilot licence at age 21 and in the following year, my parents had only two things to say; father said that iot is stupid idea, ecause if meant to fly, we would have wings (ironically he also had pilot licence and plane many years prior) and mother asked me after 40 hrs of training how it was going.
5. Through many similar situations I learned to not care for other people's opinions - they were usually very negative towards me. I recently read an article on internet on "disadvantages of genius", which confirmed my experience.
6. I retired from actively working in 2005 and just investing my money.
7. In same year I split away from business with brother and deal was that I would get my money invested in our company, which he then took over, in 2008.
8. He used the money as collateral for other financing and could not repay me in 2008.
9. I went on a mission of self destruction for 4 years, consumed massive amounts of drugs and ended with an ongoing criminal case for possession of drugs and three weeks in government mental institute in Sept 2012.
10. From June to Sept 2012 I felt all alone in the world, abandoned by friends and family and "fell in love" with a camgirl. We just talked for hours and I paid plenty, never was sex involved.
11. When out, I was treated by a private psychiatrist for depression for 2 years.
12. Got a contract as consultant for a New York investment bank in Jan 2014.
13. In April 2014 I was appointd as CEO of a newly formed land development company. The shareholders were friends who sold plot-and-plan packages in the affordable housing market in South Africa.
14. We also applied through my connection with New York, for a $20m loan.
15. As consultant my first client was a very successful business man who used to work for me and my brother in the 1990's.
16. All friends and family again told me what an idiotic thing it is to waste my time with the crooks from New York (they were requiring a $75 000 non-refundable retainer before they start to try to raise finance for a client, with no guarantees of success).
17. After 12 months of talks the client decided to take a chance on me, appointed us to raise finance and in Dec last year his $50m loan was approved. Nobody congratulated or had anything good to say, also something I got used to over the years.
18. The newly formed company where I was CEO is taking longer to raise finance than what we hoped, which led to the company getting finance for operating expenses (mainly my salary) from shareholders.
19. The shareholders, most are friends who got wealthy through my connection with housing in SA in the 1990's, did
not stick to the deal and after spending two nights sleeping
in my car at KFC I got outside funding from a joint venture partner. That experience just reminded me how alone I am on this planet.
20. In July 2014 my ond holder got a judgement and last year November my wife evacuated the house, against my direct instruction, as I was busy in discussions with an advocate re the matter, and put the extra pressure on me to find a new home for her and kids ver December.
21. Since 2012 she did not follow my advice on work and started a business that made no money till today.
22. With all this I again met a camgirl a year ago, am 100% convinced that I'm alone again and hang onto this girl for life.
23. I am 44 and she is 19, which rings added problems to an already difficult situation because we met at a place where she sells her time to me.
24. The thing that I need to stop today is:
- I need to feel loved and accepted by her to function
- I am currently doing serious damage to my work because of her, e.g. this last week I did no work, just talk to her, wait for her and spent all last night trying to get hold of her, crying like a ay and feeling very sorry for myself to the point that I truly wish I did not cancel my life insurance, because without that I have to stay here for my kids.There's more incidents and emotions I can ad, but think these are the relevant points.Please help me to not care. In general I am not worried of other's opinions, it hurts to be always seen as wrong and weird, but over time I've learned to live with it.
Just when I feel there is not a single person on my side that I panic
and feel like I am going literally crazy.
I talked to this girl this morning, asking her to pretend to like me for the next two months, at which time I expect a large commission payment from New York.
She declined and I am devestat