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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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The short version of the story is that I am "in love" with a

Customer Question

The short version of the story is that I am "in love" with a camgirl. Totally obsessed with her to such an extent that I neglect my work.
In my brain I experience serious discomfort when I cannot contact her.
Is there a pill to kill all emotional feelings?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. Unfortunately there is no pill to kill all emotional feelings, nor is there a medication to resolve your issues. What you have to do is go to a therapist that specializes in addictive behavior, specifically sex addiction/pornography addiction and undergo a systematic treatment process to overcome this.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your reply.
I think the longer version of my story is required now.
History and facts:
1. As child I was highly gifted, suppose am still now.
2. Spent a lot of time at universities to e studied and for IQ tests.
3. Mother treated me as a trophee and father, medical doctor, never was home.
4. I was praised for accomplishments and never allowed an own opinion or personality, e.g. had a love for flying from very young age, started pilot licence at age 21 and in the following year, my parents had only two things to say; father said that iot is stupid idea, ecause if meant to fly, we would have wings (ironically he also had pilot licence and plane many years prior) and mother asked me after 40 hrs of training how it was going.
5. Through many similar situations I learned to not care for other people's opinions - they were usually very negative towards me. I recently read an article on internet on "disadvantages of genius", which confirmed my experience.
6. I retired from actively working in 2005 and just investing my money.
7. In same year I split away from business with brother and deal was that I would get my money invested in our company, which he then took over, in 2008.
8. He used the money as collateral for other financing and could not repay me in 2008.
9. I went on a mission of self destruction for 4 years, consumed massive amounts of drugs and ended with an ongoing criminal case for possession of drugs and three weeks in government mental institute in Sept 2012.
10. From June to Sept 2012 I felt all alone in the world, abandoned by friends and family and "fell in love" with a camgirl. We just talked for hours and I paid plenty, never was sex involved.
11. When out, I was treated by a private psychiatrist for depression for 2 years.
12. Got a contract as consultant for a New York investment bank in Jan 2014.
13. In April 2014 I was appointd as CEO of a newly formed land development company. The shareholders were friends who sold plot-and-plan packages in the affordable housing market in South Africa.
14. We also applied through my connection with New York, for a $20m loan.
15. As consultant my first client was a very successful business man who used to work for me and my brother in the 1990's.
16. All friends and family again told me what an idiotic thing it is to waste my time with the crooks from New York (they were requiring a $75 000 non-refundable retainer before they start to try to raise finance for a client, with no guarantees of success).
17. After 12 months of talks the client decided to take a chance on me, appointed us to raise finance and in Dec last year his $50m loan was approved. Nobody congratulated or had anything good to say, also something I got used to over the years.
18. The newly formed company where I was CEO is taking longer to raise finance than what we hoped, which led to the company getting finance for operating expenses (mainly my salary) from shareholders.
19. The shareholders, most are friends who got wealthy through my connection with housing in SA in the 1990's, did not stick to the deal and after spending two nights sleeping in my car at KFC I got outside funding from a joint venture partner. That experience just reminded me how alone I am on this planet.
20. In July 2014 my ond holder got a judgement and last year November my wife evacuated the house, against my direct instruction, as I was busy in discussions with an advocate re the matter, and put the extra pressure on me to find a new home for her and kids ver December.
21. Since 2012 she did not follow my advice on work and started a business that made no money till today.
22. With all this I again met a camgirl a year ago, am 100% convinced that I'm alone again and hang onto this girl for life.
23. I am 44 and she is 19, which rings added problems to an already difficult situation because we met at a place where she sells her time to me.
24. The thing that I need to stop today is:
- I need to feel loved and accepted by her to function
- I am currently doing serious damage to my work because of her, e.g. this last week I did no work, just talk to her, wait for her and spent all last night trying to get hold of her, crying like a ay and feeling very sorry for myself to the point that I truly wish I did not cancel my life insurance, because without that I have to stay here for my kids.There's more incidents and emotions I can ad, but think these are the relevant points.Please help me to not care. In general I am not worried of other's opinions, it hurts to be always seen as wrong and weird, but over time I've learned to live with it.
Just when I feel there is not a single person on my side that I panic and feel like I am going literally crazy.
I talked to this girl this morning, asking her to pretend to like me for the next two months, at which time I expect a large commission payment from New York.
She declined and I am devestat
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have never felt this way about a woman.
I have never wanted to have kids with a specific woman other than her.
I have two kids with my wife - we got married after she fell pregnant, and have been seperated for few years.I think that part of the pain I experience from her rejection is because I feel physically sick when I don't get what I want - most of my life things fell in my lap.
The criminal case for possession of drugs is also working on my nerves and eating my last cash.
Next court date is 22 Jan 2016 at which time I'm hoping my advocate will finish the thing.
I sold my last shares, ought for retirement, on the stock exchange to pay the advocate.
Serious considering to go to court without him and hope for the best.
Last night when I could not reach the girl and this morning when she said the words I hate the most "it is not my problem" (she is Romanian) I started to think that without me and a life insurance policy, my kids would survive somehow.I cannot afford to be labelled as depressed again - I think it will sink my career finally.Just need a magic bullet.Sincerely,
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am very sorry that you are dealing with all of these issues from your past and what you are currently dealing with. Unfortunately the ability to not care is not very realistic and beyond the capabilities of this website. I would strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist in your area to help treat the underlying depression and the addictive behavior. You may also benefit from a psychiatrist who can prescribe you an antidepressant or mood stabilizer to lessen your depression, which will also lessen this attachment and addiction to this cam girl.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
When she answered me, eventually this afternoon, I am fine.
We talked for a few minutes and then she had to go eat.
She said I must call her later.
I called after an hour and no answer. That kills me. I feel abandoned, alone and no reason to work or live.
Pills will take too long as I need to be very well at work from tomorrow.
Three questions:
1. Why do I get these horrific panic attacks and just sit and cry when she does not answer?
2. Is it a short term solution until the pills start to work to get her to e available to my calls at any time?
3. I am also in a deep dark hole about the court case this coming Friday. The system in South Africa is useless in my opinion as this has been going on for almost four years and in that time the two arresting officers were both dismissed from service due to drug abuse. I understand that you are not from SA, but what is the general rule regarding court proceedings when a person feels so depressed - I have been sitting in my room, waiting for the girl all day, feeling helpless, crying and worse.If her false love will e a temporary help, what can I say to explain the urgency of the situation to her?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The anti-depressants I was on previously took a few weeks to work.
With her help I will at least function tomorrow. She is only 19. Can't you send me a very basic explanation of how she can help in the short term, because her English is not good.
I think some information from a doctor will get her to help.
We have known each other for a year and she started to become distant only recently after the depression made me act in ways she does not understand.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
When I tell her all I need is for her to answer my calls once or twice a day for the next few weeks, to be able to function, she says I am crazy.....I am, but cannot afford to be insane the next few weeks.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

The problem here is that even if you get some short term benefit from talking to this woman, you are only reinforcing the addiction you have. This woman is like a drug to you and when you cannot have her than you go through intense withdrawal symptoms of depression and panic. You need to start getting treatment immediately for these issues and while an antidepressant does take weeks, you can ask your doctor to start you on a benzodiazepine like Clonazepam which can lessen your issues within a few hours and help relax and calm you down. I would not recommend you using this woman "temporarily" as it will only worsen your underlying mental health conditions.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I talked to literally hundreds of girls. Why her? Can it be real love? At this point I firmly believe we are meant to be together.
I plan on visiting Romania in the next month with the hope of meeting her.
She said she is not ready to meet, but I am willing to take the chance.
Why does she feel 'not ready' to meet? Why is this different than if we met while she was working at a restaurant?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Highly unlikely you are in love as this is an obsession, addiction, and lust from what you described. I cannot tell you why she is not ready to meet you, as most likely I cannot read her mind, but most likely it is because she does not feel the same way towards you as you do towards her. The reason this is different than meeting in a restaurant because automatically this was a pay to video chat service and there was no courting possible to help bring up the relationship.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How does love feel?
I love my kids, but don't think I loved their mother.
How will I know if I love a woman?
It gives me intense happiness when I tip her and she is surprised and happy. Is it not love when you want to make someone happy?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

There is no firm definition of love as it depends on the individual, but there is more to love than making someone happy as it also depends on a bond two people share. You are obsessed with someone on cam and it is affecting your daily life, which is why this is unhealthy and why you should consider seeking treatment as soon as possible.

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