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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I have been feeling down and needed someone to confide in

Customer Question

Hello I have been feeling down and needed someone to confide in there's something going on in my life and it's making me feel tired, drained, exhausted, stressed, worried and I cannot talk to family about it. I feel very upset and angry there are days I just want to cry, I don't know if its depression however the problem is there is an issue with someone a man who has been hassling me for a few years and the matter has gone to the police to investigate. This man is a bad guy and has done bad things and I feel his harassing me because I know a bit about the bad thing he did. It is making my life miserable I have moved away from Sydney NSW but I think its possible he found me here in Tasmania and might be stalking me ? the police haven't resolved this issue so its an ongoing problem that won't go away. I am trying to stay strong doing some work and going out with family keeping busy but I just got the feeling I am being watched by my home, I try hard to ignore it but even when I do it enters my mind again. And when I sleep I dream about it. I don't feel suicidal. I don't feel that bad. But I feel like I'm stuck and these people won't stop harassing me/stalking me the police need to do something. What should I do ? Do you have any advice ? I try write down my thoughts and feelings in journals and go to the beach for peace and away for short holidays to get away from it all. But I know the problem will still be here when I get back. Even when/if the police resolve this I fear the matter/issue could get worse ? Please help me thank you.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello--- Thank you for requesting me here. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this very distressing situation. It sounds as if you feel as though you are powerless to protect yourself and that the authorities cannot protect you, either. It also sounds as if you are taking many positive steps to remain calm and keep yourself balanced, which is fantastic. The question really is if there is any way that you can regain some power over the situation; this piece I cannot truly answer, however, you may be able to if you sort out the details of possible steps that you could take. Imagine that you were to say to this person that the secret is safe, provided that this person leaves you alone to live in peace? Could this step create the outcome you wish for? Imagine that you reported everything; could this create an outcome you wish for? If you feel vulnerable, is there another move that must be made? Do you truly want to keep this secret? If you do, at what cost will it be to your heart & mind & life? If there was resolution to this issue, what would it look like for you? And finally, the answer may lie in a simple question: What would someone who loves themselves do?? Think for a bit, and I will check back with you to see if you've replied as soon as I can...


Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you very much this is helpful I appreciate what you say, I think for me I cannot live with his secret bottled up inside of me know about the very bad thing he did, so I feel as though I want and need to do the right thing as there are others who are involved and so I want to do the right thing by them and the police, I am aware others know about his secret I think there is many families maybe a few, the police so possibly a whole team of detectives, I guess other people he confided in, to regain power I think by just ignoring him, avoiding him and staying away is the way I can get power over the situation so there's no way he can threaten me and/or harm me, I don't feel he'll risk going to my home as he knows the police will be called. In terms of why he is hassling me I don't feel its because he wants to do anything bad to me really even though in the past he did threaten me, I feel as though he is reaching out to me for help trying to maybe find out what I know ? if he wanted me dead he would of already did this by now as this problem has been going on for years. So I think its more like his reaching out to me to help him however knowing the secret is very very bad I am not willing to help him this secret destroyed lives and if his did this before there is a risk he will do it again and I cannot afford to take the chances. I don't feel by going to him making contact saying the secret is safe as one he already knows others know and two and I honestly don't want it to be a secret because it's so very bad. If I had to live with this not telling then it will make my conscience feel guilty like I never did the right thing. I think getting power of the situation will be when the police sit him down and sort this out putting something in place for him to stay away from me and stop contact with me this is what my mind and heart are hoping for as an outcome and in regards ***** ***** secret I will leave for the police to deal with and leave to his conscience as he has the heavy burden to carry so its his fault he did the wrong things. I do love myself and I love others so I am not only thinking about me but I am thinking of the family its deeply hurt. This is something I cannot ignore seeing them suffer in sadness living with the pain because of someone's stupidity. I know that this man tries to contact me online using fake names and profiles so I try to becareful not to communicate with strange messages/people. If I just let it go and carry on with life not telling or not trying to do the right thing then I am just as bad as the bad guys for doing this "secret" and I don't want to be like them. My intuition does tell me there's going to be a day when the police come back to sort this out and I do feel it will go to court to resolve this matter showing everyone his wrong this will give me the power to stop and finalize this. And if I have to move again then its something I have to do if I hide and keep it all in one I will go crazy and two this will make me feel helpless and scared but if I get up and do something to try help myself whether going to the police or others then its taking the steps to get rid of the problem. This secret is a very terrible thing if I don't do anything I will look back in years to come regretting I didn't help another so its hard and it may not bring me the perfect happy ending but at least I stood up to a bully. Someone who loves themselves ? every time I look in the mirror I see a reflection of a girl who loves too much not just myself and family etc. but when I watch families go through this on TV because of bad guys secrets it breaks my heart. This man is the opposite he wanted to run away and leave the country not doing the right thing willing to leave his kids here and take off he didn't care about the families who have to suffer. And he didn't care about me when I was feeling sad about this he just kept on lashing out at me so its made me dislike him very much. His secret will be exposed with or without me and I don't feel he will have the power to prevent it coming out. I feel this strongly even though the police weren't very helpful I do believe there are good police out there and this family are very determined to get justice and they won't put this down. I don't want the power to destroy anyone I just want something done to resolve this matter the power I seek is to have the confidence and intelligence to rise above all of this and move on. There are sad days though but I do try and move forward his secret is his issues and I feel as though he needs to figure it out on his own by himself this is his issues and problem and I don't feel he should be luring me drawing me into this this is what he needs to realize he did the wrong thing so he needs to sort it out I cannot do that for him. Either he goes and tells the police and confesses or he goes and runs away I just want to break away from him and disconnect the connection which is what I have been doing. Thank you do you have any other advice, tips, help etc. or resources I can refer to books ? websites ?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

If I am correct and this man is close by hiding near my home trying to contact me/spying on me I do believe I have seen him by my neighbourhood this is why I ignore him its been many months now over a year ? the more I ignore him someday sometime he will get a reality check that I am ignoring him not paying him attention he'll say to himself his wasting his time. The only way he can make contact really is online as I got rid of my phone and I am always with family. This is his only way to try and communicate with me and when he realizes his idea isn't working my hope is he'll give up and leave.

Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 1 year ago.

I am glad that the answer was helpful to you and it sounds as if you came to a healthy conclusion. Keeping secrets can cause great stress on the body, yet revealing them can sometimes cause a whirlwind of even more stress. Knowing that someday, the truth will be revealed and reminding yourself that you are safe and that you are making the healthier choice by telling yourself that it is his problem and not really yours will continue to keep you calm. Stress produces these feelings of anxiety; continue to work on calming the body through exercise and calming the mind through meditation, and keeping yourself occupied with activities that you enjoy. Soothe yourself through your 5 senses: smelling good smells, tasting good tastes, warm baths, music, essential oils on the skin...etc. Nurture yourself and make sure that you continue to remind yourself that you can choose to put this burden down and leave it for longer & longer periods of time to gain some peace. Try an application for your iPhone called "Just Breathe"... there is also a version for the web: Use this to manage your anxiety and to learn to calm yourself when needed. I wish you peace of mind and of heart. Thank you for your question, and I would greatly appreciate a positive rating if you feel that I've been helpful to you. I wish you all the very best as you manage through this uncomfortable situation.