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Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4642
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I would like an opinion of a situation that doesn't make

Customer Question

I would like an opinion of a situation that doesn't make sense to me. I am part of a group of friends that see each other most weekends. Most of us are couples however there is one bloke that is single (he is 63). We always tease each other and have a laugh and I thought we were great mates.
A couple of weekends ago, he gave all the other woman a kiss and hug to say Merry Christmas and when it came to me, I got a handshake. I was gobsmacked. I was very unsure how to take it and put it down to everyone being drunk (except me as I was not drinking that night. The thing is the next day (not remembering he'd already said Merry Christmas and shaken my hand the night before) he held his hand out again to shake mine - this time he was sober.
I was very hurt by this and wonder why he would I was treated differently to the other ladies - we have all known each other about the same length of time. My husband said it might be because he thought it wasn't appropriate to kiss me, but he kissed the other ladies in front of their husbands. Not sure how to take it all.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.


Welcome to the site.

Well, i can understand your disappointment over this incident as like everyone else you too deserved the same treatment however, i feel that this might have been the case owing to his perception of you and your body language as a person who would want to maintain a safe distance from other people specially men, his perception may be wrong but he acted upon it as per his discretion.

So do not hold grudge against him for not treating you same s other women but instead introspect about your own mannerisms and body language which may have been perceived by others as too strong and guarded, i am sure this will, hel you to come across as a more approachable persona, in other words tone down your aura which might be making others feel intimidated by your overall personality.

Lastly, this incident should not be given too much importance and taken to your heart, but this should ddefinitely help you to pull down an invisible shield that unintentionally may have been put around you by your demeanor and acta and attitude which could be driving others away from you. So the importance of this incident is only that it should help you to introspect about your personality and attitude and help you to just fine tune it for future so that you come across as a very affable and welcoming and sociable individual. It may so happen that if you ask your near and dear ones about you being overly string as a personality they may sweetly say no just to please you hence deep introspection is a must.

I hope this helps.

EreforeWish you all the best.

Please kindly leave a POSITIVE RATING if you are satisfied with the answer Regards

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I feel that this has hit the nail on the head, as I feel people are repelled from me and though I was aware that I was doing something wrong, I didn't know exactly what. I have virtually no affection in my life, my husband is not very loving towards me, though I have tried to be towards him - it feels very fake & he was very stiff when I tried to hug him, so I stopped trying. Even though I am not sure of how to go about changing my demeanor, at least I am aware of it and will try to knock some of the walls down. Thank you for being honest with your reply.
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 1 year ago.

It is good to see that you were welcoming towards my comments , that is a start and i believe if you may consider special counseling such as CBT from a clinical psychologist then it may really help you to modify your attitude and demeanor and who knows that may also help you to bridge the lacuna that exists in your relationshipwith your husband. May i also add that this therapy may also help you with your self esteem and confidence and give them a shot in the arm.

So kindly think over this suggestion and do the needful.

I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best.

Please kindly leave a POSITIVE RATING if you are satisfied with the answer.