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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My husband and I have been separated for about a year. He

Customer Question

Customer: My husband and I have been separated for about a year. He recently told me he has a girlfriend and I am stunned. We have two grown and flown children and I see him almost everyday. It is hard for me to get my head around him having a female friend, I cry when I think about it. I am 64 and have no desire to date. We had a rough marriage but he has softened over the years. We had to separate as we were getting so mean with each other. I initiated the separation but it is a financial struggle. We celebrate holidays together with our kids and we do see each other almost every day, I just do not know when I will feel ok about the girlfriend. He tells me it will not change anything between us, ha! East for him to say. I have been through a lot in the last three years....I feel pretty lost. ***** *****
JA: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?
Customer: Alan, my husband is very aloof and does not talk about anything related to relationship. I had to squeeze it out of him that he loved me once. Otherwise he just clams up. He was never very affectionate and did not like being a dad until the kids grew up. He also was an internet gaming addict for many years to the exclusion of his young family. I grew resentful but still tried to ignore it until the resentment turned to rage. I feel the relationship was me, the two kids and the backside of Alan for 30 years. I do resent the fact that he is moving on but I am rankled by it. We have many things in common and share certain intellectual sensibilities. I miss his company but like I said it was spent in his room at the computer most of our lives. I think I miss the idea of him more than the reality. We have been married 32 years.
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Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Melinda Henline replied 1 year ago.


Hello, my name is***** am a Licensed Psychologist and I will be helping you today. Please note, our interaction should not be considered a substitute for mental health treatment. You may need to seek treatment from a professional in your area. This is not a private forum and your confidentiality cannot be protected here. Thank you for sharing details about what is obviously a painful situation for you. Did you have a specific question for me, or would you like some general advice related to your options in this situation?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am under the care of a physician and I am on anti depressants. I am a nervous wreck. I guess it is hard to articulate a question. I guess I am so desperate for input outside of my small circle of friends. I know I need to talk with my husband, this is difficult. I have financial hardships and I am expected to work to lessen my husbands financial role in my life but I am shaky, nauseous and unable to function. There is very little I can expect from the medical field, there are no silver bullets here. It is one foot in front of the next. I guess I am sking for general advice as weak as that sounds...Barbara
Expert:  Melinda Henline replied 1 year ago.

Barbara, it sounds as if you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety. While antidepressants can mitigate some of those symptoms, you may need to consult with your doctor about a medication specifically intended to reduce anxiety. There are also some really good relaxation exercises you can do throughout the day that can help as well. Check into Diaphragmatic Deep Breathing and Progressive Muscle Relaxation on You Tube. You will find a ton of videos on this subject. While friends are wonderful sources of support and great to share with, a trained therapist might be a good option for you right now. They can offer objective advice, help you build self-confidence, and teach you further options for reducing your anxiety. You may even be allowed to invite your husband into your session so that you can get some assistance in talking with him about your concerns. Your doctor may be able to refer you or you can always Google "Therapist" in your city and state. You're right about one thing, there are no silver bullets and it takes a lot of strength to keep moving forward when you're hurting like this. Kudos to you! Can I answer any further questions for you?

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