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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My boyfriend and I have been arguing non-stop. I will admit

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been arguing non-stop for months. I will admit it is normally to me losing my cool and saying something I shouldn't (such as im tired of your friends here morning to night if it doesnt stop we need to break up). Yes, i have calmly mentioned this before with no changes. My biggest thing is anytime I say something I have to apologize and "make up for it" for nearly a week. He never once will respond to what he does that makes me act this way, yet again I know I am not justified. He just never responds or deals with any issues that make me feel like this is my last resort to get a point across.
Any help is appreciated, i dont want to lose my boyfriend of 5 years. Thank you
Lindsay
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are having this issue with your boyfriend, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately it sounds like that you are willing to compromise on this issue, but that it is your boyfriend who is not willing to compromise and work with you on resolving these arguments. You only have control over your own actions and behavior, just like he is the only one that has control over his actions and that means only he can choose to stop this behavior. I would highly recommend that you both consider entering into couples therapy so that he can realize how hurtful his actions can be to you and to help you both improve your communication skills so that these arguments occur less frequently in the future. I know you do not want to lose your boyfriend, but the decision for him to stop this behavior lies solely with him, so you cannot put so much pressure on yourself to resolve this issue as it takes both of you to work together.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He will not go to any therapy, he in fact frowns upon me seeking any assistance. I have suffered from adhd as well as depression and anxiety for over 10 years. He is "normal" by most standards and sometimes when he presses me for immediate response I tend to shut down or even black out when I say these things. He blames me thinking I can just control this. Anyways, is there anyway to maybe communicate in a fashion he might actually understand? I try hard with the depression (i havent reacted well to any medications so i take htp-5). I just hate walking on eggshells when he used to understand and now says its an excuse
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Remember you cannot change him if he does not want to change. If you have difficulty communicating to him, maybe you should consider writing him a letter as that can be a forum where you can unload all your thoughts and feelings about this situation without any fear of him interrupting or rushing you for a response. Overall though you can say everything right and be perfect in your rationale, but in the end the decision to respect you more and lessen this behavior is up to him.