I am currently going through separation with my wife of 9 years, we have 3 young children together. She does not want to work on things, and has refused counseling or any other method of support. She had left me once before about 5 months ago and cheated on me with another man, but then came back after an excruciating 3 months where I fought through hell to save our marriage. We got back together for 2 months but she never was actually back with me and I felt it, until finally she told me again she wants to separate, and maybe we can date again in time. I have wanted to save our marriage like crazy but with all that has happened I am not at a point where I am tired.
When the first issue occurred 5 months ago, I nearly had a breakdown, or I guess you can say I did
. I had to take a leave from work, couldn't think, couldn't eat and couldn't sleep. I lost my job trying to fight for my marriage, and it was an amazing job!
This time around I am not quite as bad off the first time, but I am very upset and still wont take the leadership role in my life or in my family to get through this issue. I currently am at a standstill in my mind with making a choice on where I want to live and what I want to do. My 3 children live in Colorado and my wife will not go anywhere else but my entire family is in Tucson AZ so I am considering moving back there. This breaks my heart because I know this means I would have only part custody of my kids, but emotionally I have been in terrible distress and feel like I need to be near my family. On the other hand, I have always been a strong, successful and confident man, and I have some great work opportunities here in Colorado which keep me next to my children, but I can't get myself to commit because I am scared I will fall apart out here without family and having my wife gone, knowing she is seeking other men.
I need to get my head straight right away, I have a job offer on the table here in Colorado until Monday but I am also border line with moving back to Tucson AZ. I can't get myself to make a decision, I can't feel confident and I am hurting and scared about losing my wife. I also dwell on her and the what if's, such as seeing her with other men, terrible things like that.
I want to be happy (or at least happier for now). I want to feel value in myself again and confidence. Can you help?