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Ask Dr Ted Manos Your Own Question
Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 716
Experience:  Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
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I restrained my girlfriend during sex in a playful way. She

Customer Question

I restrained my girlfriend during sex in a playful way. She didn't say she had a problem with it and didn't seem bothered by it during. It's been about a month since this happened and she is just telling me that this has been a problem.
She has pushed me away shortly after this, no intimacy or even kissing or hugging or even holding hands. She gave other reasons for needing space.
Everything in the bedroom and out was perfect between us before.
She told me the following. She felt like someone was going to kill her, she never wants to have sex again, she is having nitemares, she wants no one in the same room with her.
Oh yeah, she is not used to being out of control AT ALL!! She doesn't like me doing even little things for her. The only place she didn't have a problem with me being completely in controlwas the bedroom.
She said she feels better since talking to me about it but wants to know what's wrong with her? I think she has serious control issues but you're the professional so please help. We are lesbians FYI
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 1 year ago.

Hi I'm Dr. Manos. I'll give it a try to shed some light on your share. It appears that your girlfriend experienced a vulnerability in being in control and it brought up past experiences and what it meant to her. Much of our pasts are full of what happened and what we thought it meant. Once our "story" about what happened owns us, it's scary confronting it in the present. There is nothing wrong with this human mechanism but it causes grief. Talking with you is helpful but should she consider sharing her concerns with a life counselor or similar professionals. That might be best in the long run.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She said she will talk to a professional. She wants to take a break from us. She also said nothing happened to her in the past but she was in jail and thinks any kind of restraint is an issue. Thank you
Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 1 year ago.

Sounds like a plan. Good luck. Dr. Manos