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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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I just read the post by "runner 87" and was fascinated to

Customer Question

I just read the post by "runner 87" and was fascinated to learn that there is someone else who has the identical sexual dysfunction I have. Unlike him, I know EXACTLY where my fetish originated (at age 5+ when my Dad "spanked" me (severely) with me naked and when I felt "sexualized" by the experience. I am now 52 and so single-focused on male/male spanking that other sex is impossible for me. At the same time, spanking sex makes me feel suicidal, because, altho it is very arousing when I am horny, I become suicidal afterwards because it feels like an incestuous thing. Is there any therapy that will help? I have spent 30K on counselling up to now (mostly around trauma issues related to the beatings as a child) - and I am mostly free of that (thanks a lot to EMDR). Should I see a sex therapist now to get over my tendency to see the belt ("the belt") as a sex object?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you have been struggling with this sexual dysfunction, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately there is no one specific form of therapy to treat spanking related sexual dysfunction issues, so I would highly recommend that you go to a Sex Therapist, as these experts have the most experience in all sexually related matters. The Sex Therapist will most likely use an eclectic form of different therapy modalitieis to treat your sexual dysfunction and help you to overcome this matter, but given how long you have had this dysfunction and how ingrained it may be, the therapy will probably last a long time and will probably consist of trial and error of different approaches to find the right fit for you in terms of treatment. But overall a Sex Therapist is definitely the professional you want to see in terms of treatment.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.


Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This site states that questions would be addressed by a psychiatrist. No offense to you in any way, but my question was not even vaguely related to the field of forensic psychology. WTF?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I have a degree is in Psychology and I have a specialty in Forensic Psychology which I got afterwards. In addition, I have advanced training and education in sexual matters such as this as well, which is why I elected to answer your question. If you would like a psychiatrist to answer your question though, I can opt out for you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Is your last name "Z"? Are users of this site not entitled to know the name of the person from whom we are getting professional advice? How does that work within the registration/licensing authority for the psychologists association? Is it ethical to give advice as a psychologist and withhold your name from the client?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

This website does not provide treatment, only information, so there is no conflict with state licensing boards. Remember information on this website is public, so if this was a treatment/therapy website than this would be in violation of state licensing boards. Experts elect to not provide their full name on this website because the website states we cannot provide identifiable information and neither can the customers either, this is for the privacy of both experts and customers. My credentials were verified by the website using a third party verification service, as are all experts, you can ask the website directly about this if you have questions concerning it.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
When I first posed the question, I got a note saying that my question would be addressed by a "Dr. Keane" who is a "Mental Health Professional" (how vague is that?). Then, I give my credit card number and get a response from an anonymous psychologist with a specialty in forensic psychology - even though the site advertises that questions are addressed by a psychiatrist. I think this is all VERY suspicious...Mental Health ProfessionalPositive Feedback: 99.6 %
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

If you have questions concerning the operation of the website you can contact customer service. Experts on this website have no impact on the operations of the website, we only provide answers to questions.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'll address the issue with the APA tomorrow.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Okay, you are more than welcome to do that, although the APA has no authority on the experts on this website. Good luck with your future treatment

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I will just be asking the APA for advice on how to proceed, given that I cannot identify you and, by extension, your state licensing board. If I were you, I would get as far away from this site as you. The people behind this site are snake oil salesmen all the way, and one of these days there will be an investigation ...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
as you can".
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.

My Name is ***** ***** I am Registered psychotherapist. Having reviewd your questions, I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

CBT isbased on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefsabout, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour andfeelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we haveeven had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If thepattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are evenslightly distorted,

theresulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negativeand unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automaticthoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirelyrealistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, theresulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful andhelpful.

Cognitivetherapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations butbring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and throughguided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapyis not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to provea client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpfuldebates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating theirviews, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and thatthey can change.

Clientstry things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned intopractice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Pleasevisit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

If youcannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-helpresources here:

Also, there is abook called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. Ithas a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and furtherinstructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

CognitiveBehavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also prettygood.

Best wishes,NormanM

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