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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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For the past 20 years I have been living with a depressive

Customer Question

Hi. For the past 20 years I have been living with a depressive husband whom I have known and loved since I was 20 years old (I am now 49). Never physically abusive, but verbally and psychologically at times, he tried to get professional help but not very systematically. I know he loves me dearly and although I threatened to leave him a few times over the years, I never did, both because I loved him, as well as because of our two kids and because we did have our good times together. For the past 5 years, I have noticed that the situation was affecting me badly, I was losing interest in my hobbies and having depression symptoms myself. A year ago, I met up with my first boyfriend, after 30 years of not contacting each other and we fell for one another again. He is willing to leave his family and move to my city so we can be together. I told my husband I wan to break up with him, without mentioning the other person and he fell apart. What should I do as I feel guilty for him and the kids
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are having these issues with your husband and that you want to end your marriage, i can understand how distressing this can be for you. While I cannot make the decision for you on if you should go or not, it would be important to examine the situation as a whole. May I ask, do you feel your husband will ever respond to treatment and overcome his depression? And do you think that the occasional psychological and verbal abuse you suffer from negatively impacts the children and their development? If you were to leave your husband and start a new relationship with this other man, do you think your children will eventually accept that situation and move forward?